Just A Glimpse

not long ago, i did a post on "home".  although there are a tiny few of you who have seen our london home, there are certainly not many.  i thought i would take a moment to put up some pictures of where and how we live around here.  it is very different from our life back in the US and i want to have this blog post for future times in my life when i begin to forget what this life was like, how we lived, what our space looked like.

heath and i realized that we've been in our london flat for as long, and longer, than our american home. we hadn't even settled into our marietta home when i began to go through the adoption process to find our girl.  we had moved in in mid december and i started the process in february.  i spent most of my days on the phone, filling out applications, researching, praying and wondering.  reese, maddox and zane were ages 18 months to 3 years.  i barely felt as though we even lived there.  the chaos kept us from feeling "settled".  not that we minded.  our new american home was exciting, we were working hard to furnish it, tend to children and trying to add our newest family member.  we may not have felt settled but it was well worth it!

before we even had the clear for who our little girl would be, we soon realized we would be moving to another country.  talk about a whirlwind!  all of the "moving in" that we had done became "moving out".  what would stay, what would go?  needless to say, trying to complete what we had started in our US home, came to an abrupt halt.  we had to focus our eyes elsewhere.  london elsewhere.

i clearly remember the excitement when we found this flat.  it was all one level!  with the small children, a place with no stairs would be perfect!  at the time, we did not know if or how disabled our daughter, echo, would be.  we felt like a one level home was a safe bet!  i also remember loving that our children would all be sleeping so close to our bedroom.  we would be able to be so close!  we loved the idea of it.

fast forward to the here and now.  we've been living in this flat for 19 months.  this flat is very much our home.  we have shared a lot of moments and memories within these walls and i can't help but feel that, with our time coming to and end, well.....it's a bit sad.  we've had more family dinners here, in this home, than the other.  we've spent more "normal" days in this home with a regular school schedule for the children and we've grown accustomed to size and scale here within this space.

don't get me wrong, there are things that we are looking forward to having when we get back.  double paned windows, front and back yard, garbage disposal in the sink, an actual laundry room, enough bedrooms for all family members, central heating and air, toilets that flush properly...i could go on.  these were things (or lack of) that i thought would kill me!  i just knew that it would be difficult.  but it's been fine.  we adjusted to life over here.

i went around the house and took pictures a few months ago.  i want to remember each room.  i want to remember where life really happened in our short time here.  because as cool as our holiday trips have been, as amazing as this city is, as exciting as life is over here....true life and love happens right within the home.  the memories that we have within these walls are the ones that i want to capture and hold on to.

my favorite area to blog.  it gets a little chilly by the window
but it's a great spot to be inspired!

our dinning room.  the fireplace is mauve, one
of my least favorite colors, and yet...
it's grown on me.

the living room, lots of lounging and dance parties
with the kiddos have happened here.

other side of living room.  the kids have
attempted many times to spin the chair
and foot rest around and around.
i put the kibosh on that every time.

our entryway where i lay out the children's
uniforms each night.  reese is pretending
to me "mommy" as she lays out clothes for
the others.

the playroom where much of
life happens.  we have
the map above the couch to
chart the countries we've
visited.

we call this the "tiny bathroom".
only one at a time in this loo!

the endless hallway!  kids can run
up and down at full speed.  it helps
when we don't have access to a garden.

tiny kitchen but very functional.  washing machine and
dish washer are within one of the cabinets.  i can practically
stand in one spot and reach all areas at once.
brilliant!

enough room for 3 big kids to eat at the bar,
echo goes down at the little table,
heath and i stand or grab a fold out
chair....and our tiny dryer.  we don't complain
since a dryer is a luxury in many homes here.

echo's modest bedroom.  i can't wait to get her into
a bright and colorful room back in the states.

started out as zane's room, also used as a guest room.
once we learned that our precious nanny, emma, might
have to live in a hostel and continue to work, we
asked her to live with us.  so now this is emma's room.
it's a full house, ya'll!

reese, maddox and zane's room.  they love it!
we love it!  it's a little tight but the children
have grown so close by having to share
a room.  we wouldn't trade it!  (although it
will be nice to spread out a bit once we get back to the US.)
yes, those are wall stickers.  they are tacky but the kids
love them.  don't judge.

heath and i actually have a really big room
by UK standards.  we all spend a good bit of time
back in our room watching tv, bathing kids and
hanging out.

our flat is tucked back behind a gate.  we have
a couple of porters who watch over the building 23/7.
yes, 23/7.  an hour is spared for transitions.
kinda funny.

bottom flat is ours.  home sweet home.

this is just a glimpse of where and how we live.  this was certainly not the most exciting blog entry but, like i said, i wanted to remember each room and this was a great way to do it.  i will look back on these pictures and feel like it was forever ago.  there will be a part of me that feels as if it never happened at all, that the time went by too quickly.  i'm not sure what all my memories will be of the things that we've done during our time here, but i am certain that i will look back on our flat with happiness and love.  one day i'll come back to these pictures for a glimpse of the way we lived.

Little Surprises

the children are constantly giving me little surprises.  just last week, zane proudly told me that he had something in his coat pocket, "mommy, i have you a surpriiiiiise" (as he pats his pocket and smiles from ear to ear.  he refused to show me on the bus and told he wanted to show me later.  fine, i have two other children talking at my face right now and one at home who will be waking up for a snack in just a few minutes time.  i can wait for that surprise...

several days passed and when friday snuck up on me, i realized zane's coat was in desperate need of soap and water!  it was covered in mud.  as i was preparing it for the wash (you know what i mean, moms, every nook and cranny must be searched because you never know what you'll find that you don't want to go into the wash).  i reached my hand in his little coat pocket and there it was....my "surpriiiiiiise"!  inside his coat was caked up dirt from where he had apparently put in a mud ball.  also, i found 4 rocks.

oh, sweet zane, you shouldn't have....

before going to bed at night, i love to sneak in and check on each one of the children.  isn't it the sweetest to see them lying so still?  so peaceful.  the boys are all contorted, blankets and body parts in all directions, sweet reese looks like a little angel, and echo is in peaceful bliss.  i love those moments.  i think God makes children so cute when they sleep so that we'll want to keep them for another day.  sometimes the kids leave me surprises before they go to bed.  a few nights ago i walked in, snuck in with my most stealthliest moves possible and as i was tip-toeing over to maddox's bed, ever so lovingly, i stepped on the sharpest, tiniest, most glass-like object!  what the.....!?  not expecting to watch out for objects that feel like shards of glass, i began to limp and whimper, going down to my knees in sheer pain of what had just occurred.

why!?  why oh why would you leave that stinking tiny toy in the thick carpet maddox?

and not to make anyone squirm too much, but if you have young children, you know that you may, at any given time, find a little gift in any toilet around the house at any given time....

"guys......!!!!??  who pooped in the potty and not flush when they were done!!!!!???"  and then one will slink in telling me "sorry, mommy" as they flush and run away.

little surprises.  what would my life be without all these little surprises?

today, i came in from the gym and quickly started to pick up our piles of clothes from yesterday's snow day.  we were wet from head to toe and decided to let it all dry out overnight.  i was picking up gloves and hats and kept smelling an all too familiar smell.  what was that?  where is it coming from?  upon turning over echo and maddox's gloves i realized that the foul smell was dog poop.  i thought back to our snowball fight and cringed.  thank you Lord that we all got into the bath immediately after stripping down last night.  because some of those snow balls.....were actually poop balls.

and speaking of poop balls, this morning heath woke echo up and brought her into the kitchen for her breakfast.  he quickly tore off her pull-up to switch her over to her undies.  and as he pulled, tiny little poop balls went bouncing around the kitchen floor.  we all stood in horror as daddy tried to compose himself and rush echo to the nearest toilet to clean her up.  he hasn't quite figured out that when waking a small child in the morning and taking off her pull-up, one must proceed with caution.   although she is potty trained for the most part, she can still produce little surprises.  he can be such a rookie sometimes.... 

yes, it's these little surprises that remind me how young our family still is.  i mean, i no longer have many of the surprises that come along with the infancy or the baby stage.  yes, i've successfully lived through each of those stages.  and let me tell you, those were some serious surprises!  but i am certainly, without a doubt, still in a big-fat-surprise stage right now.  and i don't think the surprises will end for a very long time.  i shudder to think of what pranks and surprises the children will leave for me in the future.  i shiver, i cringe and i do a bit of a gagging. i also can't help but laugh.  there is never a dull moment.

and why would we want dull?  why would we want anything less than the fun and silliness that comes with these little people we call children?  they constantly teach me to lighten up, to laugh and to take life in stride.

so, moms, let's lighten up.  let's laugh.  and let's take it in stride.  may you, too, have a blessed day...full of lots of little surprises!

Snowball fight of January 2013.  

"He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children.  
Praise the Lord!" Psalm 113:9

Priorities

getting on a jet plane to leave my children does not get any easier.  no matter what i'm leaving to go and do or how many times i've done it before, the pain in my heart is still just as rough as the first time!  heath and i boarded the flight to go to norway last weekend, and as the plane door was closing, i began to feel breathless.  why couldn't i breathe?  what was happening to me?  why does my stomach ache, my mind feel foggy and my heart beat fast?

it was then heath leaned over and said something to me with a big smile on his face.  i'm not sure what it was because apparently i'd lost my hearing in that moment as well.  and it happened, i began to cry the cry that only kids can cry.  the cry where your lip can't help but tremble, the tears spill out and your stomach convulses in and out.  my face scrunched up and i had to cover my lips before they fell right off, melted off, broke off....i was a mess about leaving my children.  they are constantly my top priority.  i had been with them for almost 5 straight weeks.  they'd had no school, no nothing.  just me and them.  they had only had two different nights that they'd gone to stay with my parents over the holidays.  i'd gotten used to having them constantly with me.  and shockingly....i loved it.

i thought for a moment that maybe heath would cry too just watching me try to pull myself together.  i quickly went back to my magazine and tried to see through the tears as they fell down my face and dropped on the pages.  it's my birthday!  this should be happy!  happy birthday to me, dag-nabbit.  pull yourself together woman!

getting on a jet plane to leave my children does not get any easier.

once we arrived in tromso, norway, i had started to feel a little more relaxed.  we had a late lunch, a quick nap (yes...a nap...and the beds were made so that we each had our own blanket!...be still my heart!)  then, we were able to talk to the kids and i felt even more relaxed.  that night we went out into the snow covered mountains to try and see the northern lights on an "aurora safari".  so cool.  we didn't see the lights but we had a great time sledding on tiny sleds, eating reindeer stew and talking to the guide about typical days in norway.  learning about others' cultures never gets old for me!

the next day was more time to spend and have fun with heath.  it's amazing what a couple of days away can do for a marriage!  it takes me a few hours, if not a full day, to get out of "mommy mode" and then i become me.  just plain old me.  which is not so plain actually.  heath and i are both jokesters so we are constantly laughing and doing rediculous things.  we enjoy adventure so we seek fun and excitement.  we enjoy shopping together, walking together, sitting together.  we enjoy one another.  we compliment one another well.  it's not that we forget these things, we just have jobs to do in this life.  as adults, as people, as parents....we all have priorities.  we get caught up in the things that we think need to be done.  but on this trip, nothing NEEDED to be done.

so we shopped, we ate, we slept, we talked.

kids?  what kids?  (i'm kidding....or am i?)

and we went dog sledding.

oh the dog sledding.  one of our most hysterical times on the trip was getting onto the dog sled as the dog trainer attached the dogs to the sled.  heath had all of his weight on that brake and yet those little dogs were jumping and howling with everything they had.  they were READY to go!  eager to get on that trail for a run!  we were hysterical with laughter before the sledding even started.

after being whipped in the face by sleet and snow, sledding for over an hour through wide open (pitch black) fields of white snow, lots of laughter and only one...okay, maybe two, near death experiences because of my driving, we stopped off for some more reindeer stew and hot tea.

even though this was my 36th birthday, you would have thought it was my 16th.  our maturity level, on the sled, was about just that.  sad but true.  the day had turned out to be everything and more.

when we left the following day, i was so glad that we'd decided to go. it was nice to get away and put work, children and life aside for just a little while.  it was great to put one another as the priority and focus on who we are as a couple.  it was a great reminder of how we got ourselves into the crazy fun life that we are in right now.

after we'd gotten home from the weekend, hugged the kids, kissed them goodnight and put them to bed.  life started up again:  heath began to pack for his next business trip and i began to get things ready for the kids and the upcoming school week.  yep, life picked right back up where we left off.

other priorities crept back into our lives.

the party was over.

after i'd gotten the kids clothes laid out for the next day, i decided to go and give myself a little birthday gift.  seems selfish, right?  i'd already gotten an amazing trip, some clothes and some cool boots..did i not mention the new boots.  they're cool.

my weekend away with heath had reminded me and solidified my belief that if we take time and we make time for one another, then we draw closer to one another.  i saw the great benefits that when we put one another as a priority, we make a better team.  a happier couple.  a healthier marriage.  no matter how difficult it is, no matter if we have time or not, no matter how much it might scare us...we need to make one another a priority.

so i pulled out my computer and filled out a little application for a mission trip to cambodia.  many of you know a piece of my heart was left over there during my first (and second) trip to serve those amazing children and show them God's love.  my goal this year is to draw closer to God.  to make Him a priority.  for me, serving Him is drawing closer to Him.  He wants nothing more than to have me close and keep me right in His big ole grip.

there is no better gift.

as i pushed, "send" on the computer, i couldn't help but think, happy birthday to me.  

Whole body on the breaks to keep the dogs still.  
We should have taken a picture of the dogs jumping
straight up and down to start running.

End of our sledding.  Dogs are finally calm.

After a yummy meal in our "tee pee type" tent.

Winter Wonderland

it's been quite a few years since heath and i have had the unique opportunity to take reese and maddox out alone.  after all, the day zane was born, he instantly became their triplet.  he never leaves their side, unless forced.  even if he's not by their side, he is always lurking nearby, ready to torment and punish them in inconceivable ways.  he is, after all, the younger brother.  he takes his roll very seriously.  and then, not to be outdone, along came echo.  and the party got even crazier.  she too, enjoys living up the roll of baby sister.  one who annoys, follows and desperately tries to keep up with the eldest three.

a month ago, on a cold saturday, we'd planned to take the three big kids to the winter wonderland.  a section of hyde park is set up with lights, rides, food and fun!  right as we were walking out the door, zane decided he'd rather stay home with echo and the sitter.  he wasn't feeling well and he didn't want to be out in the cold.

say what?

after talking to him and making sure this was what he wanted, the four of us, heath, myself, reese and maddox all headed out the door.  from the moment we walked out, i was a bit unsure we were doing the right thing, but zane had insisted that he wanted to stay.

once we arrived, i started to get really excited.  it was like a double date!  i could keep up with one, and heath with the other.  oh sweet mercy!  this was going to be fun!!!

the next several hours were spent going on rides, eating fun foods and playing games (well, one game.  we tried to explain to maddox that those HUGE animals he desperately wanted were for people that play and WIN...you don't just get the animal for playing the game and/or looking cute.  believe me, i've tried).  reese and maddox were so much fun!  they didn't whine, they didn't complain, they didn't ask to go to the bathroom 400 times.  they were so enjoyable!

it's not to say that we didn't miss our other two....but it was so nice to focus on our older children for a change!  we laughed, talked, joked around, made joint decisions on what ride to go on next.  it was truly a pleasure.  relaxing and FUN!

heath and his date

me and my date

let the games begin!!!

spinning in a life size bowl

my date hiding from the camera

inside a crazy fun-house

as our children get older, we are finding it more important to spend quality time with each individual child.  and it's not easy!  it takes time and planning.  we haven't quite found the best way to do it, but in time, we will.  it's been so cool to find out what they are like individually and hear what they have to say when the others are not around.  they are all so different and so unique.

as much as i love our larger family and all the craziness that comes with it, i will forever remember our first double date in that winter wonderland.  i fell in love with those two tiny babies all over again.  they made me realize where we started and how far we've come with this family.  they made me cherish the calm times and appreciate the wild times....well, at least tolerate the wild times...let's be realistic.

December 2007.
when we were a young family of four....

reese and maddox, you guys are so much fun.  you are growing up way too fast.  thanks for a really great night filled with some hysterical moments.  thanks for being so cute and cool that we wanted and were able to take on your rowdy siblings, zane and echo.  because as much fun as we had on this night, we know that life would not be nearly as much fun and hysterical without those two crazy kids.

here is to many more date nights with the two of you!

An Irish Prayer

May God give you...

For every storm, a rainbow,

For every tear, a smile,

For every care, a promise,

And a blessing in each trial.

For every problem life sends,

A faithful friend to share,

For every sigh, a sweet song,

And an answer for each prayer.

Home

Home

It's such a simple word that can evoke such great emotion.  The meaning holds so much for so many;  the return to home is like no other feeling that we have...it's difficult to explain, yet we all understand without any explanation needed:

the weary traveler getting off a jet plane

the broken solder who saw too much

the college student with a bag full of dirty laundry

the prodigal son asking forgiveness

the little child after a tough day at school

the dying man on his way to meet his Maker

the cancer patient in remission

and...

the frazzled mother after being in a foreign country with her nutty, fruitcake children...

yes, there is something about the word "home" that pulls at us in ways that we can't explain.  i certainly felt the pull when choosing our Christmas cards this year.  i was flipping through different shapes and sizes and there, on the front of the card it simply read, "we'll be home for christmas".  and i knew i'd found the one.

our card

we'll be home for christmas

the thought was so exciting and heartwarming that i couldn't wait to send out our card this year.  it has been one of our most meaningful cards...aside from the one the year before when we had our WHOLE family of 6 all together, at last!  that one will be tough to top.

once to our US home, it always amazes me when how after only a few minutes, it seems as if we've never left.  the kids dash upstairs to their rooms, running around, looking for their toys.  at first we are so loud, laughing and talking about what we remember, things we'd forgotten, how excited we are....and then there is silence.  we each find somewhere to go, somewhere to be.  for the children, they find a bedroom or a toy and begin to quietly play.  for heath and myself, we find mail to go through, rooms to walk around in, business to get done.  (okay, let's be honest.  i'm walking around rooms, he's getting business done.)

and then the moment comes when we all must hunker down for the night.  jet lag at its fullest, we get into our beds and lay our heads down on pillows that seem foreign and yet so familiar.

to us, our home and our beds welcome us each time with more and more love and comfort than the time before.  i know it sounds silly, but it's the feeling i get, stronger and stronger with each visit we make.

i had several friends ask me what was the one most important thing that i couldn't wait to do this trip back.  my answer was to sit by the fireplace with family and just enjoy being home.  and it's what we did a lot of this time.  i had a truck deliver a load of firewood on our first day back.  i started a fire the moment the truck pulled away....(well, i tried, but i didn't have a starter log, the wood was wet from rain, and all i got was smoke.....but i made the attempt).

we were able to spend time with family and i had a tiny bit of time to see a few friends.  not nearly as many as i would've liked to have seen but the few that i did, made me realize how friendships pick right back up where they left off, never missing a beat.  and we spent lots (i mean, lots) of time by the fire.

home...

when it was time for us to leave, i was dragging my feet even more than i'd done in the times before.  i'd forgotten everything about london.  i had not really thought about the city at all during my time back.  the holidays, visits and busy agenda had kept me from thinking too much about anything!  i'd completely taken myself out of the city this time.  i'd lived each day right where i was in marietta, not looking back at where i'd been, but always in the moment.  i'd even told a saleswoman one day where we lived and when she asked what part of london, i froze.  i couldn't even remember the street, the area, nothing.....!  i had to take time to think of it.  how does that happen!?

so you would think that entering our flat once again in london would be underwhelming, stale, and have a cold feeling to it.  i mean, we love the US.  we love being home.  at least that was what i thought might happen.  but as we entered, a really strange feeling crept over me...

home?.....

home.

our flat felt like home.  the smell, the sounds, the memories, the love.  the kids ran to their rooms, looking for their toys.  we came in so quietly.  so tired after a long night on a plane, too little sleep and not enough food.  we all began to find our way around, ate a tiny bit to satisfy our hunger....

and took a big fat nap.

....and there was silence.    we had fallen into a delightful sleep.  all happy.  all safe.  all warm.  and all well....home.  we'd brought it over with us.  or maybe it had never left.  maybe it had always been here with us.  maybe we had brought it over 18 months ago and it was just now sinking in.

last night, in my sleep, i was startled awake.  by what, who knows.  sirens outside, people walking by, jet lag not quite out of my system..but i awoke and had the thought, "where am i!"  have you done that before?  you wake up and feel like you are in one place and quickly realize you are in another?  i originally thought i was in my US bed, snug, safe and happy.  and then i realized i was in my UK bed, just as snug and just as safe and just as happy.  there was the feeling again.  home.

we have 4 more months in this amazing city.  we are going to enjoy them, live them and love them.  we have been so blessed to call two countries our home.  we have been blessed with friends who welcome us back each way we go.  we have been blessed to enjoy our fun, crazy and loving family wherever we go.  our home follows us where we go.  we have been blessed.

home

it evokes so much emotion.

i have a feeling that when we leave here, we will leave a piece of ourselves behind.  friends, the children's classmates, so many memories.  we will leave many of these things behind.  and we will take their love back with us.  i hope that we leave our love here to others, as well.  i think that we will always be able to return here with a little feeling that this was once...

home.

Right by the fire is where we spent most of our nights

Just a few of my high school gals.  

Snuggled by the fire.
Did I mention we spent a lot of time here?

My sweet Reese.

The shocking news that all gifts had been opened.

My parents' home.  The one I grew up in.

Heath's parents' home as we drove up!
SNOW!!!

"Where we love is home-

home that our feet may leave

but not our hearts."

Oliver Wendell Holmes

Nap Time

toddlers are some of the luckiest little people in the world.  think about it, they have someone to feed them, clothe them, kiss their boos boos and answer to their every need.  one of the best things about being a toddler is that someone puts you down for a nap each day.  can you imagine?  toddlers get to be taken to a cool, dark, quiet room, tucked into bed and left alone for a couple of hours each day.

let’s just take a moment to envision the luxury of that....

a couple of days ago, heath had taken the kids to lunch while i went to the gym.  when i picked up the kids, i then took them for haircuts.  echo was WELL past her nap time.  normally she goes down at noon.  on this day, it was a little past 2:00.  as we came into the house and took off our shoes, i let her know her fate.  “echo, it’s time for you to go night-night.”  to which she replied, “no”.

hmm, i can see where this is going....

i knew she was tired and past all reasoning, so my better judgement told me to keep quiet and calmly lead her to her room.  however, echo, like many toddlers, is a bright little girl.  as we approached the stairs, she began to contort her body into all sorts of ways, whining and crying.  she knew these stairs led straight up to her bed and that was NOT what she wanted.  we climbed the stairs for what seemed like 45 minutes.  listening to her whining was like...well, it was like listening to a toddler whine and cry.  annoying is a very nice way to put it.  the sound made me want to contort my own body and begin to cry just the same.

once we made it up to her room, she refused to pee in the potty.  my mother put it best when she said, “you can lead a horse to water....”.  because you can sit the toddler on the potty but you can’t make her pee.  finally, i got echo into her bed and snuggled her in.  i placed all of her animals, blanket, and lovie in her arms.  before i could unleash my inner dragon on her, i turned and walked out the door, leaving her to cry out her final rebuttals.

when i’d gotten down the stairs and into the kitchen to check her monitor.  she was out.  dead asleep.  it took her less than 2 minutes to fall into complete and utter silence.  sleeping peacefully without a care in the world.

really?  all that ridiculousness and she passed out THAT quickly?!

yesterday, heath took the afternoon off.  he’s been traveling and working like crazy for the last month and a half.  (well, longer than that but the last several weeks have been brutal!)  it’s been nonstop for him.  he's been waking early in the mornings to get in extra hours and staying up later to put in the final bits and pieces.  if he’s not working, he’s thinking about working.  if he’s not thinking about working, then he’s dreaming about it.  so it was no surprise to me that when he had an afternoon off (after running several errands and odd jobs that had to be done) he came in and laid on the couch.  we had a nice fire going, the kids were watching a movie.  it was set up perfectly for a man to come in, lay down his weary head,

and take a nap.

and that’s just what he did.  he got horizontal, closed his eyes and let it all go.  i bet he was asleep in less than 2 minutes.

i had to laugh to myself at how men and toddlers are so much alike.  but then i realized how much we are all like toddlers.  we fight rest.  we fight down time.  we feel that we have to get it all in, get it all done.  and seriously, who has time for rest during this time of the year!?  right?  there is shopping to be done, gifts to be wrapped, family to visit, food to cook, dishes to clean, Christmas cards to make/write/lick/stamp/address/send.  the list is endless.  and when any or all of those things are done, there is always something to be added.  something more to be done.

it’s one of the bazillion reasons why i love Christmas Day so much.  the world shuts down.  time stands still.  for just a moment.  we are forced...or should be forced to put all others things to the side.  except for our family.  except for our love.  except for the remembrance of a tiny and perfect baby being born to save the world from itself.

this is a day when God gets to be the One who reminds us that He leads us each day and encourages us to take a rest.  almost as if He leads us up into that cool, dark quiet room and lays us down for a nap.  or shows us to a comfortable couch by a warm and cozy fireplace. take rest in Me is what He seems to say.

in all of the crazy dysfunction, all the hustle and bustle, all the worry and doubt, the frustrations and unknowns, i want to take a day of rest.  and what better day than the day that we celebrate the Savior’s birth?  what better way to celebrate Him, then to surrender ourselves to the rest that He was sent to provide for us?

so this Christmas Day, i plan to give and receive some gifts.  i plan to spend a day with my family.  i want to spend some crazy fun moments with my children, (some peaceful and some...probably not so peaceful).  and i plan to rest.  i plan to curl myself up with whatever big or small person that is around and willing to snuggle.  i plan to take a nap.  that’s right.  a nap.  and i’m going to take that nap without a protest or a fight.  i won’t whimper or cry.  i’m just going to nap.  in Christ’s honor.

i hope that there are others who are able to rest on Christmas Day.  take rest and comfort in one another.  know that there is Someone else doing your work for you and give yourself permission to relax.

Merry Christmas, my friends.  Happy napping.



 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

Bedtime Routines

bedtime is always a big surprise around this joint.  we never know what we are going to get.  echo has learned what "bed time" is and she begins to whine and cry about the upcoming event.  zane, who's been on his nebulizer treatments (which causes hyper activity) is in RARE form these days.  he bounces from one end of the hallway to the next as he scurries to be the first in the room.  and by bounces, i mean, he bounces.  as in, hits one wall, head first, crashes to the ground, rubs his head, gets up and runs again at mock speed toward the room.  the kid does not learn.

reese and maddox do their fair share of complaining, but for the most part, they all know it's coming and they all know what to do.  bedtime is a pretty well oiled machine in our household.  every night is about the same, yet a little different. with or without heath being home, it is what it is.  if you fight it, mama's gonna get crazy and you don't want crazy.  and if daddy is out of town and you give me heat over bedtime, things could get ugly.  and you really don't want ugly.

tonight was no different than any other.  they got ready for bed with ease (sort of) and had some books ready to read.  we read them and after we were done, maddox wanted to know if he could ask some God questions...

oh boy...here we go...

the kids have had a lot of questions lately about God.  all kinds of questions.  big and small.  they have some serious questions.  and with good reason.  it's a tricky concept right?  i can't even wrap my own brain around it!  how can i expect them to!  their biggest question lately is, "why does God let hurricanes happen to kill people?  why would He be mean?"  

yikes...

"if God knows the future and He makes everything happen, then why can't he stop people from getting killed"

oh my....

as much as it boggles my mind to try and answer these questions (on a 4-6 year old level, keep in mind) it also warms my heart to know that they are asking!  they have every right to question, to ask, to wonder.  it's our human nature to want to know more.  to see proof.  they are no different than any other inquisitive child.  or adult for that matter.  we all want answers.  we all want proof.

we stayed in their room for almost half an hour discussing their questions, some of which get way out of hand while zane is in there.  being four years old, he is playing with his cars and pitching in a comment or two here and there.  at total random.  which then makes our conversation get a little wacky.  but whatever.

my best answer to give to the children tonight was "He uses everything for good, even the really bad things, he uses for good".  it may not seem like good at the moment.  but it's good.  it matters.  it's important.  everything is done for a reason. a good reason.  sometimes when things begin at the worst, it is for the best.

tonight was the first time that i told them a little more about my infertility.  i kept it PG, don't worry.  i told them that there were moments when i almost felt God was being mean.  i almost wondered if he heard my prayers, did He know what children really meant to me?  i told the kids how much i prayed for babies.  and for three years...no babies.  no chance.  it seemed like a possible impossibility.  but then, anything is possible...anything.  and so i kept praying...

i told them i cried.  i told them i was sad.  and sometimes i was mad.  i told them i had lots of feelings, and one of the feelings, because of my faith, was peace.  and then i asked, "you know how you are breathing air.  but you can't see it?"  "you know how you can feel the air?  that's what faith is. you can't see it, but you know it is there."  in my darkest moments, when i cry out to God.  i can't see Him.  but i know He is there.  i've felt His peace.  i've felt His touch.  i've heard His whisper....His echo.

not having children when i wanted was a tragedy to me.  but if i'd had children any time sooner, at my timing, i would not have my reese and maddox.  i would not have my zane.  i would not have my echo.  i would not have this life as i know it right now.   and i would not have known that closeness that i felt to God during that time.  the closeness that made me feel as though i could reach out and touch Him.

i want for my children to know that closeness.  to think that it could come from a tragedy of their own, big or small, makes me shutter.  but i want them to know God in their own way.  not because the bible says.  not because they learned it in church.  not because it's what their parents believe.

i want them to know....because they know.  because they feel.  because they see.  because they get so close that they can almost touch Him.

as we get a little closer to Christmas and the birth of Jesus, i know it seems really crazy, (but you all know how i feel about mamas and babies, babies and mamas.  the bond is amazing to me, to say the least.  i think it's why my heart bleeds for orphans; every child deserves that bond.)  but with the season quickly approaching, i think of mary, Jesus' mother.  her first born son.  and she was told He was going to be the Savior of the world....i've felt some pressure of being a mom...but can you imagine!?

and to think that she had to watch this perfect child grow up, cure and save so many.  and then to watch him be abused to the point of death.  she watched.

my faith is big.  and it runs deep.  but i have to say, mary really had it going on.  because this seems to be the greatest tragedy of all.  to watch your child suffer and die?  when He did nothing wrong?  to know that you held that man as a baby and did everything you could to keep Him safe, only to have him beaten and killed in front of you.  killed and punished on behalf of others.  all others.  the ones who will one day love Him as well as the ones who will deny Him.

my faith.  my belief.  it's nothing compared to what mary must have had in order to have survived what she saw.  the only way is that she knew, without a doubt, that God was real and true to His word.  i'm certain that mary felt her son's death was a tragedy.  and look at the good that came out of it.

i don't know why we have certain tragedies.  i don't know why some suffer while others live the good life.  i'd like to think that when we get to Heaven, we can ask questions, much like a child asking their parent.  just as reese and maddox are asking me these questions now, i truly believe we will get to ask those questions to the Big Guy one day.  unlike me, He has all the answers.  maybe we will get to see why He chose to do the things He did and we'll get to see all the good that came from it.  and maybe, maybe...we won't even have to ask.  maybe it will all be clear the moment we see His face.

so tonight, in my own bedtime routine, i will wash my face and brush my teeth.  i will put too much blistex on my lips because i'm addicted and a little less facial cream because it feels sticky.  i will turn my sound machine on and i will lay my head down.  every night is about the same, yet a little different.

tonight i will thank God for knowing all the answers.  i will thank Him for His personal relationship with me and that i had an opportunity to grasp it at the time that i did.  i will thank Him for inquisitive children who keep me on my toes...and on my knees.

if you are wondering where echo is in these pictures...she
is in bed 30 minutes before so that
we can wrangle these hoodlums.
Divide and conquer, right?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28