this entry was written back in may...i'd written it in my blog "God's Echo" before i'd met my youngest daughter. before the true chaos, the frustration, the laughter, the tears, the joy...before it all truly began. before our family of six was put together. i went back and read it today. i sobbed.
i've been trying to put our card together and in doing so, remembered, "this is what i've waited for"! i'm putting together The Christmas Card. our family is finally complete. we are whole.
good luck to all of you who are struggling to put your card together this year. i rip myself to shreds trying to find a "good picture" or a "good enough" picture. but regardless, this is the first card of many, God willing, that we are together for The Christmas Card......
now, let's go back to 6 months ago.....
pretty strange title for a blog update in May. and you would think that I would be thinking of more important things, like which medications to take over to China in case Echo is sick or how many diapers can we pack in one suitcase, do I have enough groceries for my three children to get them through a few days after we've gone. believe me, I'm thinking of all of those things too, but the one thing that I can't get off my mind off of is The Christmas Card.
we all love Christmas cards. they are so much fun to open each year and see how all the families are growing and changing. there is a lot of thought that goes into making a christmas card. the perfect Christmas card. wouldn't it be great to capture it! some years the cards look amazing! and other years...well, we get so sick of all the hassle, that we just throw a picture on there and send it out. that was about how this past year went for me.
when i considered adoption, there was one thing that kept coming back to me, The Christmas Card. I could see what it would look like 10 years from now. and in every way that I tried to shape and shift that christmas card, I could not see it without her on it. i could not see that card 10 years from now without my four children. and the craziest part was that one of those children didn't look like me. she had beautiful brown skin and those deep, dark brown eyes. the blackest hair. why couldn't i get around this christmas card?
in the days of paperwork when I questioned what we were doing, while in the adoption process, i would always let my mind go back to that card. i had no idea how we were going to manage four children ages 5 and under. i did not want to go back to diapers! bottles! oh, please, no more bottles! but. the card. she was on it. i couldn't see my future family without her face. so I would continue down the path of seeking her. i knew she was out there. you have to start at point A to get to point B.
you know, there are nights that i've layed down to pray only to find myself crying and asking "why? why would You ask me to take this new responsibility? Did you hear my yell at one of my own today? how can i take on another? I'm already so tired. Lord, i already have my hands full with the three I have!" i wonder if He cracks up and replies back with, "yeah, and i've got the WHOLE WORLD in my hands!" i think God has a sense of humor. we do, as humans, and he created us in His image...it makes sense, right?
and then I remember my favorite quote: "God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called." (author unknown) who am i to think that i could do this on my own? why would i try? God has this all under control and He's going to equip me with everything I need to get thru it. so i try to turn those voices off in my head that say i can't do it. because it's true. i can't. but God can. and He will. He already has.
Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
He begins our life stories way before we were ever born. we all have a purpose in His plan. we just have to listen and follow. i know, easier said than done.
So the Christmas card. i have no idea what it will look like this year, much less what it will look like in 10 years. but i do know that we will all be together. our family will be complete. we will have our missing puzzle piece. my four hoodlums may be looking in every direction EXCEPT the camera's and our newest member....she'll be right along with the chaos. but we'll see that beautiful brown skin and those deep, dark brown eyes. the blackest hair. a perfectly imperfect family card. The Christmas Card.
okay, let me get back to packing diapers and bottles.....
