The Christmas Card

this entry was written back in may...i'd written it in my blog "God's Echo" before i'd met my youngest daughter.  before the true chaos, the frustration, the laughter, the tears, the joy...before it all truly began. before our family of six was put together.  i went back and read it today.  i sobbed.

i've been trying to put our card together and in doing so, remembered, "this is what i've waited for"!  i'm putting together The Christmas Card.  our family is finally complete.  we are whole.

good luck to all of you who are struggling to put your card together this year.  i rip myself to shreds trying to find a "good picture"  or a "good enough" picture.  but regardless, this is the first card of many, God willing, that we are together for The Christmas Card......

now, let's go back to 6 months ago.....


pretty strange title for a blog update in May. and you would think that I would be thinking of more important things, like which medications to take over to China in case Echo is sick or how many diapers can we pack in one suitcase, do I have enough groceries for my three children to get them through a few days after we've gone. believe me, I'm thinking of all of those things too, but the one thing that I can't get off my mind off of is The Christmas Card.
we all love Christmas cards. they are so much fun to open each year and see how all the families are growing and changing. there is a lot of thought that goes into making a christmas card. the perfect Christmas card. wouldn't it be great to capture it! some years the cards look amazing! and other years...well, we get so sick of all the hassle, that we just throw a picture on there and send it out. that was about how this past year went for me.
when i considered adoption, there was one thing that kept coming back to me, The Christmas Card. I could see what it would look like 10 years from now. and in every way that I tried to shape and shift that christmas card, I could not see it without her on it. i could not see that card 10 years from now without my four children. and the craziest part was that one of those children didn't look like me. she had beautiful brown skin and those deep, dark brown eyes. the blackest hair. why couldn't i get around this christmas card?
in the days of paperwork when I questioned what we were doing, while in the adoption process, i would always let my mind go back to that card. i had no idea how we were going to manage four children ages 5 and under. i did not want to go back to diapers! bottles! oh, please, no more bottles! but. the card. she was on it. i couldn't see my future family without her face. so I would continue down the path of seeking her. i knew she was out there. you have to start at point A to get to point B.

you know, there are nights that i've layed down to pray only to find myself crying and asking "why? why would You ask me to take this new responsibility? Did you hear my yell at one of my own today? how can i take on another? I'm already so tired. Lord, i already have my hands full with the three I have!" i wonder if He cracks up and replies back with, "yeah, and i've got the WHOLE WORLD in my hands!" i think God has a sense of humor. we do, as humans, and he created us in His image...it makes sense, right?

and then I remember my favorite quote: "God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called." (author unknown) who am i to think that i could do this on my own? why would i try? God has this all under control and He's going to equip me with everything I need to get thru it. so i try to turn those voices off in my head that say i can't do it. because it's true. i can't. but God can. and He will. He already has.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

He begins our life stories way before we were ever born. we all have a purpose in His plan. we just have to listen and follow. i know, easier said than done.

So the Christmas card. i have no idea what it will look like this year, much less what it will look like in 10 years. but i do know that we will all be together. our family will be complete. we will have our missing puzzle piece. my four hoodlums may be looking in every direction EXCEPT the camera's and our newest member....she'll be right along with the chaos. but we'll see that beautiful brown skin and those deep, dark brown eyes. the blackest hair. a perfectly imperfect family card. The Christmas Card.

okay, let me get back to packing diapers and bottles.....

The Aftermath

i used a pretty dramatic title for what i'm about to write.  the word aftermath is most commonly used after devastation.  i don't mean to offend anyone or downplay any sort of true devastation that any of you may have endured but it was the first word that came to my mind when i thought about writing this entry.  i looked up the meaning of the word and read the following:

n.
1.  A consequence, especially of a disaster or misfortune: famine as an aftermath of drought.
2.  A period of time following a disastrous event: in the aftermath of war.
3.  A second growth or crop in the same season, as of grass after mowing.

#3 looked fitting enough.  not so tragic, yet, to that crop that was harvested...well, devastation, right?  there are days that i feel as though i'm living in the aftermath.  of war.  even though we've been through no sort of misfortune or disastrous event.  certainly not that of war, although you would think WWIII goes on some days in my home.  i've decided that the title still fits the point that i'm about to get to.  so let's get to it.

adoption is one of the coolest experiences i've ever been through.  one of the most selfish and unselfish things i've ever done.  selfish because i wanted another baby after already having 3 to love.  it seems excessive to take on a child when i'd already been blessed with three.  and selfless for the same reason mentioned before.

throughout the adoption process, 15 months, give or take a week, there was so much excitement.  we had so much anticipation, the thrill of the hunt kind of thing.  i would stalk blogs, read up on adoption websites, ask questions from already adopted parents and lots, i mean LOTS of sincere prayers.

and the homecoming was nothing short of amazing.  friends and family stood at the airport with signs, gifts, smiles and hugs waiting to be given.  it was a beautiful thing.

once we arrived home, there were days and weeks that friends came by, family called to check in, gifts continued to come, dinners brought over and so many other supportive and exciting events occurred.  it was a busy time for us all.  it was a whirlwind.  it was exhausting.  and it was fun!

skip ahead to today.  the aftermath.  the dust has had plenty of time to settle.  a picture is worth a thousand words, right?  well, it doesn't tell you everything.

pictures don't describe the crazy days of lessons being taught to a little girl who has already been through more of what most of us can only begin to imagine.  we are constantly trying to teach her lessons of love, battles with food, sharing, tantrums, rules and regulations.  lessons of acceptance.  it is a daily battle.  to say that she is strong willed is to put it mildly.  sometimes there is a fight every minute, from one thing to the next with her.  this was a battle that i thought i was fully ready to take on.  some days i feel as though i've completely failed this little girl.  other days i feel like i nailed it.  yep, just like i feel with all my other little ones.

when i'm alone with her, she can be totally different than when the other children are around.  it is a constant battle to remind her that i'm a mother of four.  not one.  she can be so precious one on one, but add in another, or three, and she fights for attention, demands to be held, struggles to be in the center of it all.

just like with all my other little ones, i have to teach her.  she's learning that mommy and daddy share our love to all four children.  we can hold one in our lap for a time and then we have time for another.  or, if that doesn't work out, i've been known to hold all four at one time.  while sitting, of course.  my arms stretch wide enough.

she is learning that tantrums get you nothing but a tantrum.

now that echo has tasted food besides congee, she fully enjoys the food that tastes GOOD and will protest anything that does not....another lesson, you eat what's on your plate.

she is learning that hitting is not accepted.  that, and biting.  pushing others or pulling hair.

i could go on.  the list is forever for a toddler, any toddler.  i'm not telling you anything that you don't already know.  it's a universal thing for a toddler to try and push the limits.  it's their job.  it's how they learn.  and she is learning!

but in all of this learning and all of this teaching, my mind, has more than once gone down that ugly, dark road.  the "What If..."  road.   what if we'd never adopted echo.  (and the eyebrows raise...huh!?)  because if we'd never adopted, life would be so much easier!  so much calmer!  we would not HAVE a toddler!  we would have three KIDS.  ohhhhh, the What If!

no more diapers
no more strollers
no more tantrums
no more naps
no more force feeding  (although we still have to force a veggie or two with our others!)
no more of this "baby" stuff that i'm SO OVER!  (keep in mind, i've been changing poopie diapers for 6 straight years now.)

but then.....

there would be no echo in our lives.

and that is not an option.  because like all the rest, she is my child.  she was hand-picked just for us.  whatever reason that we have been brought together, we are together.  forever.  and i can't see the future without her at this point.

i'm going fight the good fight.  and i'm going to win.


but she will win as well.  we all will.


and there will be an aftermath with this fight.  this battle.  this war.  except that we won't be picking up the pieces any longer when we get to that aftermath because we will have fought to put all the pieces together.  all of us.  the 6 of us, together.

put on your boxing gloves, echo.  let's fight this one out.

Valuable Lessons

there are so many lessons we learn at school, lessons we learn from others, and from life.  there are lessons that we can learn from ourselves, within ourselves.  and there are lessons we can learn from our children.  isn't it funny how children can say or do the smallest, most insignificant thing and it can make a huge impact on us.  i think we, as parents, can learn a lot from our children.  if we take the time to listen.

my 5 year old has been learning some lessons at school.  some valuable lessons.  and with those lessons, he has also been teaching me.  yes, we can learn lessons from anyone, anywhere, at any time.  even our children.

reese and maddox were moved up to Year 1 just 3 weeks ago.  it is the 5-6 year old classroom.  kindergarten, so to speak.  they had originally been placed in Reception (the 4-5 year old class).  heath and i were fine to start them with the younger group but realized, once they started school, that year 1 was where they should be.  thankfully, their teacher and the head master all agreed and they were quickly moved up.  fortunately, for them, they were moved up as quickly as possible.  unfortunately, school was already 6 weeks in and so they have a bit of catching up to do, educationally and socially.  the two of them (maddox especially) are quite a bit smaller than the others.  this does not really affect reese, being a girl, but it has already started to affect maddox.

i went to go and pick them up during that first week in their new class.  the teacher pulled me aside to say that there had been some bullying in the garden and that the matter would be handled internally by the deputy of the school.  she said maddox was upset but that everyone had been spoken to regarding the matter.  she was very official, yet kind, about the whole situation.  it wouldn't have mattered if she had told me while handing me a dozen roses on a silver platter.  it came as a slap in the face.  gulp.  my baby!  my baby has been hurt by others!?  who?  point me to the child....

it's all i could do to fight back the tears and not go pounce on some 5 year old boy's head!

on our way home, i asked reese and maddox to tell me all about it.  apparently some boys were picking on the girls.  chasing them and calling them names.  maddox said that they were hurting the girls and he stepped in to make sure the girls were okay.  atta boy!  then the boys made fun of him and started to chase him too.  he also went on to say that reese was his best friend and he didn't want her to be hurt.  God love this child...

my son.  what began inside of me as anger, embarrassment, sadness, rejection....turned into such great pride.  how can a 5 year old have such a heart of gold, courage of a lion?

but my anger came back a or so day later.  i was talking to maddox one morning at breakfast and told him that if those boys were mean again to go play somewhere else.  i told him the boys were naughty and he probably shouldn't be their friends anyway.  as quickly as i said the words he came back with this, "but mommy, they are my friends.  i really like them.  i want to be everyone's friend."  ugh, maddox.  so naive.  oh to have a child's heart.

maddox was also moved up a year in judo class.  he loved it in his reception class but he was moved up quickly to this older level so that he could be with his (new) age group.  he still has only a white belt, while most others have their red since many took the class last year.  again, he said that some made fun of him.  his judo teacher told me that maddox was one of the smallest in the class but that she had paired him with another boy about his size.  then she said, "maddox has such a strong heart, he is dedicated, he will do well, don't worry."  again, i tried to keep the tears back.  i can't help but worry.

that night, after a bedtime story, some prayers and conversations over school and how it's going for them, the "best and worst of school", i told maddox how proud i was to be his mother.  i told him he had so much courage.  i wanted him to know that he had a huge heart.  but maybe i was saying it for my own benefit as well.  as i said the words to him, i saw his tiny little face light up.  he was beaming. smiling from ear to ear.

how long will my words of affirmation be enough?  how long?  for him.  for all of my little ones.

you know, we all get bullied at some point or time in our lives.  teased.  picked on.  pointed out.  some more than others.  some remember specific details and some have long forgotten those hurtful comments.  i'm starting to see a new view of it.  through the eyes of the mother.  and it's not any easier on this end.  i want to drop kick any kid who ever hurts any of my children.  but, obviously, that would not turn out too well.  i want to protect my children from every bit of pain, but then, they have to learn for themselves how to deal with these issues.  it's so difficult.

when i kissed maddox goodnight, his little smile still lingering, i told him just to ignore that mean boy and get away from him.  maddox's reply was simply, "i don't want to, i like him".

little boy, big heart.

a valuable lesson for me.  love others, even your enemies.  i have a lot to learn from this strong and courageous little boy.



Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6  


*i started writing this blog a couple of weeks ago and can't end this without telling what occurred last week and again just yesterday.  the teacher pulled me aside to inform me that maddox had jumped on the boy's back during garden time and then, this week, punched the boy in the stomach.  just had to add that tidbit.

Pwetty

There is a joke that heath and i have had with our girls.  it started when reese was just a baby.  a bald, toothless baby.  we would slick back her few twigs of hair and say, "pwetty".  we also say it to the boys to drive them crazy.  none of the children really liked it for a long time but we did it anyway.  and we still do it, we still say it and still laugh about it.  especially now that we have a new baby girl in the mix.  a baby girl that some still often wonder if she is a boy or a girl.  her hair is right at that stage...unless there is a bow in it, it's really hard to tell.

echo loves all things that are "girl".  she loves baby dolls, stuffed animals, purses, bracelets, shoes...the list goes on.  she likes to watch me put on make-up and then tries to play in it.  she likes girlie things so much that it's even prompted reese to like more girlie things.  now that reese can play with a little sister, she doesn't always have to settle for star wars games or all those boy things.

i've started to put echo's hair up in bows more often.  just little ones.  so that her identity becomes a little more clear to outsiders.  she loves the brush and welcomes a good hair brushing.  i need to get another one for her to hold, actually, because she loves the brush so much that she gets frustrated on whether she wants to hold the brush or have her hair done.  it usually becomes a battle for me on what to do to make her happiest.  the end result is always "pwetty" though.  and after her hair is done, we all say, "oh, echo!  pweeeeeetty!"  and she pats her head and smiles with pride!  rarely will she mess it up or pull it out and if she does, she will bring it to me to put back in again.  yes, she is  a girlie girl.  a rough and tough girlie girl.

so now that we've been living here for around 2 months, i have been making tweaks to things here and there.  our furniture is in, we have everything decorated for the most part, we've added color here and there to these white, white, did i say white?  walls.  every one has their special touch to make it feel more relaxing, more homey.  every room, except echo's.  poor baby is the only one who was left with a stale, white, boring, cold, deserted, untouched room.  she's the baby after-all.  she is the one who would care or notice the least, right?  what does she care if her room is pink, or blue, or white.  what does she care?

about 3 weeks ago, i decided that echo needed some color splash.  we can't very-well hang pictures unless we hire some one (our walls are made out of cement) so i thought the best thing to do was to order some really colorful bedding.  every girl loves a nice snuggly bed, so i thought echo might enjoy it as well.  once i found the set that i like and ordered it, i waited and waited for it to come in.  suddenly her white, boring room was driving me nuts!  i couldn't bare to think about her being in such a cold and unhappy environment when all the rest of us were sleeping in star wars, cars, and princess bedding.  (heath has the princess bedding).  the days turned into weeks and finally the bedding came in.  i ripped the box open, washed the sheets in the softest, best smelling fabric softner i could find and put them on her bed.  echo was right with me, watch me do all this "magic" to her bed.  i'd also ordered some wall stickers that i could stick on her wall, butterflies, flowers and a big rainbow.  we put them all up, sat back and said, "pweeeety!"

echo played in her room quite a bit that night.  she was so proud of the new colors and beautiful fabrics.  when i went in to get her ready for bed, she touched the green and pink bedding, looked up at me and patted her head.  patted her head.....like she does when she wants her pretty bows in her hair.  her way of saying, "pweety".  i have no doubt she was trying to tell me that she liked it and thought it was pretty.  maybe even her little way of saying thank you.

and when heath came home later that week from his business trip, all the children greeted him at the door.  later echo took his hand and led him into her room.  she walked over to her bed and pointed to her walls.  she wanted to show off her room....

echo loves beautiful things.  she's a wild and crazy toddler but there is a little girl inside of there that loves frills and lace.  it's becoming more clear the more i get to know her.

my daddy use to tell people that his girls were pretty on the inside and outside.  i loved hearing him say that about us.  when i was a teenager, it got on my nerves but as i get older, i appreciate the meaning behind his words.  pretty on the inside and outside.  it's what i want for my girls as well.  it's how i feel about them already.  we may joke and laugh about "pweeety"  but it's truly what girls want to hear about themselves.  that we are pretty and that we are loved.  i want my girls to hear those words from me so that they don't have to seek it elsewhere.  i want them to know that they are not just pretty, but they are beautiful.  they are beautiful and they are loved.  unconditionally.  forever.

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.  Song of Solomon 4:7

Friday Favorites

Fridays have never been better than they are here in london.  it's one of our favorite days.  it's the beginning of the weekend which is obvious.  but it's also a fun-filled day for us as a family.  heath sleeps in just a tiny bit later so that he can help me take the kids to school.  we all love this.  the kids are super stoked that they get to show off their daddy to all their friends and their teachers.  and i'm even more super stoked that i have an extra set of hands to help me get the kids on and off the double decker bus and crossing the busy streets.  not to mention that i get, at least, an extra half-hour to see him that morning.  yes, it's the start to a great day!

once the kids are in school, echo and i kiss daddy goodbye and take a leisurely walk back home.  we don't rush, we don't fuss, we just walk home in the cool, crisp london air.  cars are rushing by, buses are blowing past, dogs are being walked, children are walking to school...it is pure  entertainment.  echo and i stop off to grab a cup of coffee and a breakfast treat that we share once we get home.  the treat, not the coffee, that is.  we lay around and play around.  we put on shoes and go to the park or go to a little music class at our local library.  it's simple and it's fun.  it's easy.  it's almost relaxing.  the big city is buzzing all around and we're just in the background of it all, doing our thing.  doing pretty much nothing.

echo goes down for a short nap on fridays and we pick up the kids early at 2:45.  early release every friday, gotta love it.  i have made it a routine to "surprise" the kids with their scooters every friday afternoon.  and they always yell and scream for joy when we get out of the school and they see their scooters.  they KNOW what it means.  they get to RIDE home from school!  but before we do, we've made it part of our routine to stop off at a little club house, grab a snack (or eat one that i've packed) and go to a little local playground.  it's a really small playground that is gated and everyone inside the gates are mothers and their children from our school.  reese, maddox and zane quickly find their friends and run off to go play.  what amazes me, is echo runs right after them and begins to play too.  no hesitation.  no reservation.  just goes.  full speed ahead.  and she doesn't look back.  

my oldest three have always been really good about the "mommy check-in".  they run, they play, they do their thing.  but they always run over to me after a few minutes as if to check-in.  to say hello.  to tattle on the other one.  something.  some reason that they need to come over to me.  echo never even looks over my way.  it's funny.  such a independent little thing.

one day during this play time, i told one of the mothers that echo was SO independent.  i was both happy and sad about this.  she is independent to the point that she acts as though she doesn't need me.  or want me.  at times.  i am both impressed and confused by the way that echo does what she does.  her strength.  her bravery.  it's like nothing i've ever seen.  the mother and i were on to another conversation when, out of no where, the mother said, "hey, mistye"....and when i looked up.  i saw echo coming our way.  she was looking right at me.  all she did was come over, lay her head on my lap, then crawled up to sit by me for a split second, literally up, then down...and she was off to go play again.  my "check-in".  she'd done it.  she'd needed the reassurance that i was still waiting, still watching.  she was assured, and away she went.  i love my fridays.





after the kids have played for about an hour (or more) we scooter home.  they love it.  we always come home with scrapped knees, runny noses, dirty clothes, muddy hands and shoes, and at least two really whiney children.  we are all usually exhausted beyond belief.  we clean up, rest and wait for daddy to come home and go out for dinner.  and a lot of times after a really great dinner....comes some really great ice cream!  a really fun way to end a great day.

these fridays will be the memories that i will look back on in 2, 5, 10 years and DREAM of getting to do them again.  i will relive them in my head a million times.  having four young children, a busy life, living in a big city and getting to experience this together with heath.  these fridays teach me to relish my time here.  to enjoy the simplicity of what is offered.  there are so many things to do and see and go.  but i'll remember most these favorite fridays.  

These are the days of the endless summer

These are the days, the time is now

There is no past, there’s only future

There’s only here, there’s only now

Oh your smiling face, your gracious presence

The fires of spring are kindling bright

Oh the radiant heart and the song of glory

Crying freedom in the night

These are the days by the sparkling river

His timely grace and our treasured find

This is the love of the one magician

Turned the water into wine

These are days of the endless dancing and the

Long walks on the summer night

These are the days of the true romancing

When I’m holding you oh, so tight

These are the days by the sparkling river

His timely grace and our treasured find

This is the love of the one great magician

Turned water into wine

These are the days now that we must savour

And we must enjoy as we can

These are the days that will last forever

You’ve got to hold them in your heart.   -Van Morrison

No no, Echo, no no!

NO echo! it's the most common phrase we hear around this house these days. someone is constantly telling this poor child "no"! and i'm the first to admit that i say it a lot. "no, no, echo, don't touch mommy's make-up. no, no. don't throw your food. no, no, no whining. no hitting. no tantrums. no, no, echo." she is right at that age, 18 months, where she can't use words and it is beyond frustrating for us all. she wants something, feels the need to do something and yet...she can't get the words out. and what makes me want to climb the wall is when she does something that she KNOWS is a no, looks up with those huge almond brown eyes....and shakes her head no. and then does it again. all of my children have gone through this stage and age. they all have. i will say, that echo has made me the craziest. why? didn't i know this was coming? she is from an orphanage for heaven's sake! she was there only four months ago! seriously. what was i thinking!? did i think that she was going to have the best behavior of all my four?

i knew going into this adoption that our dynamics would change. i knew that zane would become a big brother, reese and maddox would be the REALLY big kids and heath and i, well, we'd have four kids and not three. dynamics. i knew they would change. i knew that things would also change once we moved out of the country, sweet USA, and into the big city of London. i knew things would change. but did i? did i really know that things would change so much? and the fact that i felt the changes, what is echo feeling? within about 2 months, she went from china, to america, to the united kingdom. that's enough to freak anyone out, much less a little baby orphan girl. (no longer an orphan, however....no longer an orphan).

my days, when the kids are all home, consist of a lot of tears, a lot of yelling, refereeing, putting some in corners, trying to read with others, listening to three talk AT me at once. am i the only mom whose children talk AT her? i can't be. there have to be other moms whose children talk AT them instead of TO them. my children just start talking. they don't even know if i'm listening. they just talk. all of them. the same time. some moments, i forget what my own voice sounds like in my head because all i hear is 4 kids coming at me with words that i don't understand. heath even said at dinner the other night, "no one say mommy again for the rest of dinner, if you need anything, say "daddy"". IMMEDIATELY after he said that, i heard reese's tiny voice...."daddy".....they just don't stop. i'm exhausted thinking about it.

even bed time has gotten out of whack. and if you know me, you know, you know, when it's bed time....it is. bed. time. we have had effortless nights for years because of this. and we still do, but there is a baby...a sweet and crazy little baby, that you can hear some nights when we put her down. and she is crying. crying for what, we don't know. and when either of us go in to check on her, we get that numb look from her, "what are you doing in here, why are you looking at me". heath has actually gotten to her a little bit. he's good at rubbing her belly and gently talking to her. she is quiet after that some nights. she wakes at night crying out, she wakes in the morning, crying. i don't get it. teething? adjusting? sick? scared? lonely? confused? what is it? when will it stop? is this the same little girl that we marveled over how much she was like our others?  bed time beauty (for the most part). she was effortless. almost perfect in our eyes. her sleeping habits were spot on...not any more.

and i won't even go into how this has affected Zane and his night time potty issues. oh my! i don't understand what happened to this little guy that was doing so well at night and staying dry. i've cleaned more of his sheets in the last 6 weeks. wee hours of the night. some days i feel as though i've gone back to the days of when my twins were infants. the lack of sleep made me crazy!...okay, maybe it's not that bad these days after all. the twin infancy days put this to shame.

i have to be honest, there are still more days than not, that i wonder if i'm really cut out for this. what was i thinking? four kids? some of you reading this may have 5 children, 7 children. you may even be a Dugger family member and think that i'm pathetic. who knows. but it's all relative. and we handle things differently. i love cleanliness, i love order. i love the cleanliness and order so that i can be dirty and disorderly. but on my own terms! when there are four small children, everything is on their terms. do i sound whiney yet?

there are moments when i want to look up and say, "Hey God, remember me? i'm still here, living this life. and it feels a little out of control, where are You in all of this?" thankfully, even when i have those painful thoughts and feelings, i know He is there. i feel a million miles away from Him some days. and although i'm embarrassed to admit it, i feel the need to admit that i feel lost some days. lately, most days. i don't know what God is going to do with all of this chaos, how He is going to make it beautiful, or what purpose it will serve. i'm convinced that it will be all of these things.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28



but right now, i feel like a fish out of water, a girl in a big city, a child learning a lesson. while i'm constantly telling echo "no", am i listening enough to hear if and when God tells me "no"?   or am i too busy being Queen Mommy to stop and hear what's really being said? i'm not sure.

i guess what i haven't yet realized and i'm just now realizing, is that she finally feels comfortable with us. maybe that's it. and then, maybe there is no explanation. maybe she is simply a toddler and i need to get over it and go with the flow.

Adventures Are Just Around the Corner...

I'm a firm believer in keeping life exciting. or making it exciting. last week i found myself sulking in a coffee shop, crying over emails from family and friends. i missed everyone from back home and i just couldn't shake it. i decided to go out and MAKE it a great day. besides, who else is going to make your day great if you don't figure out how to make it great on your own. i walked out of the coffee shop and said a little prayer, "Lord, be with me to today." and after walking about 50 feet more, my mobile rang. (the british say mobile, not cell. and they say it with the long i sound, just a tid bit.) it was a girl i met from the kids' school. she wanted to grab coffee! so, back to another coffee shop i went! she is also here for a couple of years, only been here two weeks so far and is from New Jersey! Yes, Leigh, i know are proud! we shared coffee, a lot of laughs and even a few tiny moments of what we were missing back home. it was just the refreshment i needed to get me on track for a great day.

so, here it was, around 11 am and all i'd done the whole morning was drink coffee. 3 cups to be exact. i'm usually a one cup a day gal, but now i'm running with the big dogs..the big "coffee" dogs. so, i drink more. gotta love the british!

after coffee with Anabelle. i walked out with a little skip in my step. (and some jittery hands...hmm, maybe one cup too many.) i remembered that i had an address in my purse that would take me to an area of town that i had no idea. so, i grabbed a taxi and gave the driver the address. about 20-25 minutes later, he dropped me off and told me if i wanted a cab back, to go down on the corner to the main street. clearly he could see the look of anguish on my face when he dropped me off. i had no clue where i was! i was a little nervous, but it was a fun kind of nervous. this was an adventure!

i went into the store and got what i needed. reese's tiny ballet shoes. they are so cute. and i took so much pride and felt so much happiness as i bought them for the little girl who's been asking for over 2 years if she could take ballet. finally, i had said yes. finally our schedule could allow for us to take classes like ballet. and judo for maddox! it is a great feeling to have children involved in things that motivate them and make them happy. and might i add that she's been so excited about ballet, that she comes home, changes into her leotard, and practices each day. love it. just love it. (she sometimes forces maddox and zane to perform a show with her.)



when i came out of the store, i went to the corner and saw all the rushing cars, the taxis and......the buses. the bus? hmmmmm, the cab ride here was over 12 pounds....a bus ride is only 2.20.....i can probably find my way back. who am i kidding, i still don't know my way around marietta and i lived there for over 5 years! alright, bus it is! i can't even go into detail about how i walked from street to street trying to figure out which direction i needed to go. i was a little dizzy over it. and although, i seem to "fit in" in my own area of kensington, i was clearly an outsider in this part of town. pull up those big girl pants, mistye. you can do this. and with the help of my trusty little mobile, the glorious iphone, i was able to chart my way back. i found the bus and the direction that i needed and jumped on. it was such a rush of excitement! i went to the top of the double decker bus to celebrate my victory and grab the best view possible! and after more than 30 minutes of riding around and seeing so many sights, the bus dropped me off, right in front of my flat! victory! whew.....

after school, the following day, i decided to surprise the kids with their scooters. on fridays, they are released 15 minutes early from school. they have begged to ride their scooters home. it's over a 20 minute "scooter ride" for us to get back home which is not too bad, but inevitably, we always come home with at least one bloody knee after a scooter ride. but, i was determined to give them a little adventure of their own. i loaded echo up in the front of the stroller and then under it loaded up three scooters and 3 helmets. or at least, tried to load those things. i looked like a bag lady walking to the bus with all my crap falling left and right. echo completely oblivious to what was going on behind her. when the bus pulled up, all i thought was "how am i going to get all this onto THAT?" so after a backbreaking display of loading my own version of a bus onto the bus, rolling over a ladies toe (who yelped, in fact) and accidentally grabbing another ladies shirt with scooter handle bars (we almost took her whole shirt down the isle with us) and we were on! once the bus jolted forward, i realized that in my scurry, i'd forgotten to lock echo's stroller and the whole thing went rolling! i quickly grabbed a handle, another girl helped me pick up the three scooters and we were off. whew! there were only a few eyes baring into me as we drove on. oh well, the crazy american strikes again. they can stare all they want, they haven't seen anything yet, just wait till i pick up my other three kids. now that's something to stare at!

when we got to the school, a woman asked me i shared pick up duty with another mom...she was looking at all my scooters in the back of the stroller. "no, just here to pick up my children." she paused and then said she only had two children and could barely manage them. my relpy was, "yeah, i can only manage about two at a time also, there are usually at least two fending for themselves" and laughed. she did not laugh. sigh.

the kids were pumped to see their scooters waiting for them. and off to the park we went to ride home! after only one bloody knee, we came upon the gate that allows us to exit the park and get home... locked. kensington palace was locked? why? and how will we get home, unless we go this way? unless.....we have to go BACK! ugh...i went up to the sign on the gate that said something to the effect of 'due to safety, the gates are locked'. safety. huh?

so back around we went and out onto the street. busy kensington high street. a stroller, 3 scooters, 4 children and all those helmets..."here kids, keep your helmets on, that will keep us safe" i confiscated the scooters and put them back into the back of the stroller. what i noticed when we came out onto the street, was cops. lines of cops. rows of cops. shoulder to shoulder cops. my heart started to race. and i, without thinking, turned to a cop and asked him if i should be concerned. what was going on, was i in any danger with my four children? his reply was that there was a demonstration going on, that it "should" be a peaceful one but that if i wanted to take my children to a side street, it might be best....uhhhh, come again? say what?! and that's when i looked over my shoulder and heard someone on a loud speaker chanting something in a different language. tons of people dressed in all black, some in all white, with only their eyes revealed. oh crud.....

at that moment, i grew about 4 more arms on my body and grabbed all 3 of my walking children and pushed echo along until we reached a side street. we waited there. i couldn't help but turn around to watch some of the demonstration as well. i mean, this was, after all, the most protected i'd been in 7 weeks, standing behind about 50 cops all lined shoulder to shoulder. when the kids started to ask questions, i gave them a little lesson on demonstrations and then we headed down the side street to get home. i must admit, it was a bit scary but it was also pretty amazing. what an adventure.

i'm starting to realize why kids' minds are so full of information. and why their memories are so amazing. it's because everything they experience is new and exciting. everything they see and hear ignites their imaginations. that's how i feel, here in london. so many new and exciting things. i want to see so much, to take it all in. to remember it all. there is an adventure around every corner, as long as i choose to see it. there is something to learn in almost every moment.

here's to keeping life exciting and always looking for adventures. here's to MAKING our days great. and thank you, Lord, for being with me today. and all my days.


cheers!

Who Moved My Cheese To London?!

I wrote this entry 3 weeks ago as we have now been here in london for 6 weeks. i did not want to post it after writing it. it sounded lame to me. boring. but tonight, as i reread it, i felt the need to post it. i'm still struggling with some of these same issues and to see it in my writing and KNOW that i still have not surrendered some things to God is unsettling for me. i can't put into words what those exact things are right now, but there are things. so, it is with deep hesitation that i post this. but here i go....


3 weeks. we've been here for 3 weeks. all i keep thinking is, who moved my cheese? to london!? i'm not sure what i was expecting but it has both fallen short and yet, far exceeded any of those expectations. i'm a country girl. not a city girl. how am i going to do this? and to make matters even crazier, i have my four children to think about. since we've been here, it's been more like i have 8 children. when times get rough, have you ever noticed that children seem to multiply? at least that's how it works for me....

let me back up, let me back way up. let's go back to one year ago. September 2010. it was about this time last year, after returning from my mission trip in cambodia, that our lives were about to get crazy. we already had a busy life with 3 young children, we were up to our eyeballs in paperwork for our adoption of echo, we'd only been living in our new home for 9 months and trying to get it furnished and strongly considering moving to a foreign country. europe. the stress became so amazingly difficult. my head was hazy, my heart was heavy. my prayers felt as if they couldn't get past the ceiling of our home. i couldn't direct them high enough. i have to admit, there are times that praying outside or in my car felt at little better. more open. less suffocating. after a month (or more) of struggling with the stress, i realized that i had to give it up. i had to hand it over. mainly because it was making me crazy, but let's be honest, i was already in too deep. i needed to be honest with God and tell Him the truth. just say it, mistye. tell Him. He already knows. i'm scared and i'm angry. how are You going to work all this out? it's too messy. it's too much? how can we adopt and move to another country? is it even legal to do that? when will the timing work out for us? why are all of these things happening now, when life it getting better, easier, more comfortable. who will you send to cambodia, if not me? what will my life look like in a year? how, when, why, who.....what?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:25

so, i decided to write them down, my worries. my three, overall, biggest worries. and i would give them to God. i would stick them in my bible and (try to) not look back.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33, 34

Tonight i was going through my bible, to find some inspiration to write about. my head is so full that i don't even know where to begin. 3 weeks have felt like an eternity. and as i was searching through my bible, i found them. my biggest worries. from one year ago. how easy it is to look at them now and know that, of course God would take these from me. of course He wanted me to let go. and how silly it would have been to hold on to them, to worry about them. to cry over them, to lose sleep over them. how, when, why, who....what?

My three "blessings" that brought me such stress.

Here is what i wrote:

"My list for God to take"
1 our daughter (echo) and timing of her coming home.
2 our move to london, timing and how it will affect our family
3 go to cambodia (again)?

You see, i wouldn't get to do all of these. and if i could, it wouldn't be pretty. it was too much to take on in one year. too many moving parts. but God took it that night, because i finally surrendered it. i gave up. i let go. i basically threw all the pieces at Him. "here, take it. I can't." I bet His reply was simply, "thank you".

it's one year later and i can't help but ask myself, do i not learn from years past? how quickly and easily i forget Who is in control. how quick i am to gather my pieces, one by one, hoard them to myself. the stress builds. the worry builds, the anger wants to move in. how, when, why, who....what?

and His simple, whispered reply, "Me, Me, Me, just leave it to Me"

so here i am, this small town, georgia girl, placed in a big city. i'm having to put on my big-girl pants. (they say trousers here, not pants...just a little tid bit for ya). this is going to be a wild and crazy couple of years. i have a lot to learn and a lot to see. so much to love and so much to gain from this experience. and i have four funny children and an amazing husband to share it with. yes, it will be a journey. our journey together.

now let's put God in the driver's seat. i think i'm ready to begin.

The Naked Truth

I was riding on the bus today, looking around at the faces. all so different, different colors, different shapes, some old, some young. some listening to music, some chatting away with friends, others where checking their messages. some had children of their own, pushing strollers, pulling the older one behind them to quickly find a seat before the bus started up again. people. people everywhere! everywhere you turn. and they are all so different. so amazingly different.

since i've gotten here, my interest in others has only increased. i'm a people person. i love people. i love meeting people, getting to know them, making friends with them...i just love people. i love how we are all so different. even as hard as we try to be the same. i'm the first to admit that i want to try and fit in. i think we are all like that to a certain extent. we all have a need to belong, to feel wanted, to feel like we are accepted. i think that we were created that way. we are created to love and to be loved. it's the way He intended it.

today i found myself trying to figure out the trends of london. so far, i've seen black leggings, flats, colored jeans, long coats and a lot of black clothing. oh, and boots. that's what i have so far on the fashion side of things. i know hats will come out soon when the weather gets cooler. i've already invested in a hat. it's cute. i can't wait....

after my bus ride and some people watching, i decided to go to the gym. i had a great workout and then went into the women's locker room. i don't know how many of you have been to a locker room lately or how many of you have been to a foreign locker room but let me just say....there is some serious people watching to do. but of course, i can't look like a freak or i'll be kicked out, right. so i have to pretend like i know what i'm doing, like i see naked people flashing around all the time. i've been going to this gym now for a week, so i must be honest, i'm getting use to the women strutting their naked stuff around, drying their hair. naked. lotioning up their legs. naked. yes, i'm getting use to this scene. so, as a person, who loves people, and wants to belong, and feel accepted, i decided that it was time that i lightened up a little bit. i mean, no one knows me here, right? it's not like i'm going to bump into anyone i know, right?

so, i was in the steam room. beside a naked gal. now mind you, it's not like there is much to be seen. she was actually on her corner and i was on mine. i kept my towel on as always in there. but after she left the tiny, steaming room i began to think about all the people that i've seen over the last month. how beautiful they all seem to me. the old, the young, the sad, the happy, the big, the small....they all carry a sense of beauty. we all do. and then i began to feel a sense of strength and power that we really all should try and look for deep within ourselves. i thought about how beautiful people are, but especially mothers. ( i know, here i go again on the motherhood thing...) but seriously. who was the most beautiful woman you ever knew growing up? your mother? who's touch could make all your cares go away? who's words were most comforting? most loving? didn't you think your mother was beautiful? don't we all think that our mother's are still beautiful?

i remember looking at my mother's freakles when i was very young. and i remember asking her about them. she told me that she didn't have so many until she turned about 30 years old. and she also said that she'd gotten some after having children. i didn't like the thought of any of this happening to my less freakled skin, the skin that i wanted to be pure and sun tanned (ironically, those two just don't go together well in the same sentence). i also remember sitting with my grandmother and flapping her arm skin from the back of her arm. horrible, i know. i thought it was funny. i can only imagine how "funny" she thought it was. but she let me flap her arm and laugh, all the same. now that i'm over 30, i have those same freakles as my mother. my badges of honor from carrying babies and my stripes of shame from too much sun bathing. but in that steam room, i decided then and there, that i was beautiful. and with no one watching i decided to just take the towel off. naked. just naked. i laugh even now as i write about it. because as i sat there thinking that i couldn't be seen, i was actually in clear view of the doorway. and to top it off, there were only two lights in the this tiny little steam room and one of them just happened to be directly over me, giving me a major spot light. well, so much for being discreet....

here is my point, i guess. and i'm as guilty as anyone else. i'm constantly bombarded with images of what or how i should look. and i know the truth. i know that we are all beautiful. we are. no matter our size or shape or color or religion. we are really so beautiful. as a matter of fact, it's the differences that make us so beautiful. and if you don't think you are beautiful, i can guarantee that there this someone you know who thinks you are beautiful. someone might even believe that you are breathtaking. if you have children, there is no doubt. you are beautiful.

i'm happy to say that even after my embarrassing "spot light" moment in the steam room, i walked out with my head held high. no one really cared that i was an exhibitionist anyway. not any more than i did. and i've made a promise to myself that at some point while i'm here, i'm just going to drop the towel, like all those other girls in there and strut my naked self around like it's nobodies business. just wait. i'll probably write about it....



You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7

First Day Jitters

we've all felt them, those first day jitters, the butterflies in our stomach, the lack of sleep the night (or nights) before a "first day". no matter what you do in life, you've had those jitters. first day of school, big business meeting, first flight, first time on the bus, first day on the job, first boot camp group each month (yep, that's for you OBC), first time in a new church, a child's first birthday...

first.
first.
first.

yep, we've all felt them. what's funny is that no matter hold old i get, i still get those jitters. i wanna laugh but i wanna cry type feeling. i've experienced a lot of firsts while i've been here already. one of our biggest firsts was when the kids had their first day of school last week. it was precious to see them all dressed up in their tiny british uniforms. they were so proud, so excited, and i could tell, a bit nervous. i was so proud, so excited and definitely nervous! it was raining out so they put on their rain jackets and off we went to catch the bus. our first of many bus rides to and from school. they were more quiet than usual. i could tell that they were taking this all in.

we took them inside and after some big hugs, lots of smiles and "i love yous", we left. heath and i walked out. walked away from the school, away from our three oldest. our three who still feel like babies to me. i barely had time to relish the joy and sadness when i realized that my bus was coming, so i took off into a full sprint, in the rain to make sure i got on it. oh well, so much for holding on to the moment. maybe it was better this way. no time to get too emotional.

saturday we took our first family tour day. we took a public bus and let the children sit up to of the second floor of the bus and look down at all the city as we passed by. they loved it. i loved it. we tried to point out cool monuments or famous buildings but really all the kids wanted to do is see how many "tiny cars" they could find. london has so many of these smart cars over here. it's so funny. the kids just howl laughing when they see them. even echo has been known to point at a tiny car here and there.

sunday was our third sunday service. but our first was a whole dramatic display of us walking over half a mile with 4 small children, in the rain, trying to find the church. miserable, to say the least. but we did it. and once we got to the church, we found out that the childrens' leaders were all on holiday for the month of August so we'd have to stay down with them in the basement and watch the service on a tiny tv. my eyes welled with tears MANY times that morning. i had much more than jitters...but we fought through the discouragement and did the best we could. we went back again and again this last sunday. we have signed up to be something called "pastorial leaders" for the church. we might as well dig in, right?

today i had my first "class" at my new gym. yes, of course, i joined a gym. fortunately there are a ton of classes to chose from, unfortunately, the one class i could fit in today was a Latin Salsa class. the instructor was a professional latin dancer. i'm not joking. go ahead, laugh. i did. i laughed until i almost cried right there in front of the instructor. i've never moved my hips like that. i never want to again. it was a bust. but i had a blast! i'll just stick to kick boxing and step classes, i think...

boy do i wish i had a picture of that one.

and i will never forget our first three nights here in the flat. it was empty, we had sick children and i felt afraid. we would go to bed each night and i would dread the night because i would begin to think about all the dangers that are lurking in a big city, a foreign city. everyone in the house would be fast asleep. each night, for three nights straight, i would hear a tiny pitter patter into our room. little reese would be standing high above my mattress (we had no bed frame). the first night i was a little startled and asked her what she needed. she simply said, "i'm scared". without even hesitating, i opened up my sheets for her to crawl in. this is not my normal way of handling the boogie man but i new that it was much more than the boogie man. because i was scared too. and no one understood my childlike fear better than my own daughter. my five year old little girl. my reese. so we slept there together until i put her back in her own bed much later in the night, the wee hours of the morning. the next night it happened again. the next night, almost the same way, except it was i who crept into her room, stood beside her bed and asked, "can i get in with you?" she opened up her covers and i crawled in. the warmth and security that only a child can bring. we were in good company together. i began to appreciate my daughter for much more those three nights. there was almost a friendship that was building in us. i like being her friend sometimes.

there are going to be a lot more new things, first day jitters, that we take on this year. it's going to be scary and it's going to be exciting. i'm more excited now than i am scared. there are moments when this childlike wonder is going to be fun and there may be moments when it's scary. but i have my family by my side. i have 5 of my very best friends with me. we are like a little posse. i'm so thankful for these jitters. they are making me stronger and more knowledgeable. who knows how this can be used in the future. only time will tell.

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

A New Beginning...

If we packed up and flew home tomorrow, i could already say that it's been worth it. very difficult at times but so worth it. i've learned more about myself, maybe a little too much about my children and even a tad about others around me. the thing that i love about traveling and seeing new things and meeting new people, is that i learn, every time, no matter what....we are all the same. we are. it's amazing. it's strange. it's beautiful. riding on the bus and watching the other mothers pull their children in close...or just pull their children. watching friends interacting over lunches or coffee. seeing business men scurry to work with their brows already beginning to crease. people. doing their thing. all over the world. it's the same where ever you go.

i've already had 3 weeks to adjust (somewhat) to my surroundings. it's not THAT different in most ways, but in a lot of ways, it is. there are moments that i feel really normal and fine and then something will happen and it hits me...oh crap, i'm in a foreign country. i'm the one with the accent! i try not to stick out too much, and thankfully, there are so many different types of people in this city, that i don't really stick out at all. as a matter of fact. i've felt pretty invisible on several occasions. sometimes invisible is good.

we've experienced quite a few things already. some good, some bad and some really ugly...

there have been lessons along the way that make us wiser, things that have made heath and me crack up laughing and things that have made me bury my head in his arms and cry until my tears no longer come out. yes, it's been an adventure already. if we'd hoped to be a stronger family because of this, a more adventurous and well rounded group because of this, well, that's exactly what we are going to get...and it's a good thing.

here are some of our lessons thus far:

*crocs are not the shoe of choice when crossing a busy, london intersection. when running across the street with the children on our second day, maddox kicked off a bright orange croc in the middle of the intersection. heath had to come to the rescue on that one.
*when moving over seas, be sure to ship your furniture over first. sleeping on the floor is cool in college and when camping out, however, not with a family of 6.
*know your nearest doctor's office and the hours they keep. waking up to a vomiting child and hacking coughs from two others, is not a peaceful way to start the first day in a foreign country.
*have more than 3 towels to share among six people...especially when one is vomiting.
*if you have picky eaters. there is hope. move to another country, strip them of all their favorite and most cherished foods and eventually, they will come around. we've never seen zane eat so many fruits and vegetables in all of his 3 short years. maddox doesn't stop eating over her.
*have a game face when walking in the city. people don't smile and say hello quite the same in a quick and busy city. "places to go and things to do". don't take it personally, just put on your own game face and walk those streets like, you too, have a mission.
*not all DVDs are universal. we brought over about 50 DVDs to find that only 3 of them work. bust.
*when traveling alone with four small children, carrying one in a body pack, pushing one in a stroller and manhandling two on the side, be sure to wear breathable clothing. you'll be one hot mess upon you arrival.
*instal sling-box before arriving to destination. foreign television is just what you would think it would be. foreign.
*washers and dryers (if you are fortunate enough to have a dryer) are tiny here, like many other things. tiny cars, tiny toilets, tiny sinks, tiny rooms, tiny, tiny, tiny. we've learned to re-wear our clothing. the good news, i haven't washed a pair of jeans yet and i've been wearing them almost daily. the bad news is, i haven't washed a pair of jeans yet and i've been wearing them almost daily.
* if you hear rapid gun-fire outside of your window at 10:45 pm, there is no need to panic, no need to turn off all your lights, no need to get down on the ground, simply open a back window, look out and up and check to see if it could be fire works. you might be pleasantly surprised at the beauty you see in the sky. yes, a beautiful and masterful display of fireworks over Kensington Palace.
*when living in a flat on the first floor, be mindful of the walkers outside your window. i've surprised one too many british folk outside of our window since moving in.
*all coffee is NOT created equal. america has it all wrong. these people serve actual SHOTS of caffeine. a mother's dream.....
*pay for the assembly of furniture, it may cost you a toe, if you don't. ask heath. he has a black and blue toe as proof.
*3 year olds on scooters can go fast. very fast. invest in a helmet quickly.
*5 year old boys think it's fun to put their hand out to "catch" cars that fly so quickly past the sidewalk. reign them in, parents, reign them in!
* "a walk in the park" is not quite like it sounds when you have four children. it's more like a work out.
*indoor picnics are really cute every once in awhile. not so cute when forced to do it for two straight weeks.
*i'm sorry...are those callouses on my feet after only 3 days of being here? note to self, where shoes for comfort, not for looks.

to answer some of your questions, we've attended a great church here, Holy Trinity Brompton, that we really enjoy. it is very different than what we are accustomed to but we feel that we can find a home there and we look forward to meeting the "family" inside of that church and becoming members.
the flat is coming along, we are getting more furniture delivered this week, some rugs, art, paintings....it will feel much more like a home very soon. no more echoing through the halls as the children run and scream (no pun intended, echo).
i'm doing really great with the public bus, not only do i not mind it, but i love it! it's so easy and so much fun.
yes, i truly love the food here. i really do. it's all so fresh. and yes, i'm cooking more. i'm forced to!
heath and i have heard that there is a "boot camp" here in Hyde Park (right behind our flat). hmmmm, i think we may have to try that out.

in the last 3 weeks, i've been brought down to pretty low places, very lonely places. i've missed my family, missed my friends. cried in front of my children, cried behind closed doors, sobbed at the kitchen sink and in the shower. but i've never once regreted coming over here. i have not once thought that it was a mistake. we knew that it was going to be difficult and uncomfortable at first, but we also knew that it was worth it. i knew that the whole time, but there were moments that took over me anyway. i'm not as strong as a thought. but maybe i'm a little stronger than i think. i emailed my mother-in-law a week or so ago and expressed the day to day difficulties of things going on. her email was priceless. and i hope that she does not mind me sharing a bit of it with you. it has words that stuck with me, stuck to me, transformed me. i decided to snap back into the mistye i know and get on with what i came here to do. live life. live life in london. and live it well.

"Mistye,
I feel your pain. I know how hard it is to move even without children and I know how helpless you felt trying to make sure they were not being too stressed, then adding sickness on top of all else, bless you!!! About the time you get everything figured out, it will be time to come back home! Just rem. to bloom where you are planted and if you are blue, be a very bright blue!!!"

i just can't say it any better than that. it still makes me cry when i read it today. you know, i've said it many times to many friends and family. it is at my lowest and most vulnarable times in my life, when i'm brought to my knees with sadness, grief or pain. that is when i crumble into nothing and i'm left to be rebuilt. so although this has been a difficult and intersting transition, i welcome it. i've been taken completely out of my comfort zone and placed somewhere that i can't rely on myself or others to get me out of it. but i can rely on my Heavenly Father. i'll be patient to see what He is going to do with us while we are here. until then, i will "bloom where i've been planted" and i will be a very, very "bright blue".


"For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything." Hebrews 3:4