Who Moved My Cheese To London?!

I wrote this entry 3 weeks ago as we have now been here in london for 6 weeks. i did not want to post it after writing it. it sounded lame to me. boring. but tonight, as i reread it, i felt the need to post it. i'm still struggling with some of these same issues and to see it in my writing and KNOW that i still have not surrendered some things to God is unsettling for me. i can't put into words what those exact things are right now, but there are things. so, it is with deep hesitation that i post this. but here i go....


3 weeks. we've been here for 3 weeks. all i keep thinking is, who moved my cheese? to london!? i'm not sure what i was expecting but it has both fallen short and yet, far exceeded any of those expectations. i'm a country girl. not a city girl. how am i going to do this? and to make matters even crazier, i have my four children to think about. since we've been here, it's been more like i have 8 children. when times get rough, have you ever noticed that children seem to multiply? at least that's how it works for me....

let me back up, let me back way up. let's go back to one year ago. September 2010. it was about this time last year, after returning from my mission trip in cambodia, that our lives were about to get crazy. we already had a busy life with 3 young children, we were up to our eyeballs in paperwork for our adoption of echo, we'd only been living in our new home for 9 months and trying to get it furnished and strongly considering moving to a foreign country. europe. the stress became so amazingly difficult. my head was hazy, my heart was heavy. my prayers felt as if they couldn't get past the ceiling of our home. i couldn't direct them high enough. i have to admit, there are times that praying outside or in my car felt at little better. more open. less suffocating. after a month (or more) of struggling with the stress, i realized that i had to give it up. i had to hand it over. mainly because it was making me crazy, but let's be honest, i was already in too deep. i needed to be honest with God and tell Him the truth. just say it, mistye. tell Him. He already knows. i'm scared and i'm angry. how are You going to work all this out? it's too messy. it's too much? how can we adopt and move to another country? is it even legal to do that? when will the timing work out for us? why are all of these things happening now, when life it getting better, easier, more comfortable. who will you send to cambodia, if not me? what will my life look like in a year? how, when, why, who.....what?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:25

so, i decided to write them down, my worries. my three, overall, biggest worries. and i would give them to God. i would stick them in my bible and (try to) not look back.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33, 34

Tonight i was going through my bible, to find some inspiration to write about. my head is so full that i don't even know where to begin. 3 weeks have felt like an eternity. and as i was searching through my bible, i found them. my biggest worries. from one year ago. how easy it is to look at them now and know that, of course God would take these from me. of course He wanted me to let go. and how silly it would have been to hold on to them, to worry about them. to cry over them, to lose sleep over them. how, when, why, who....what?

My three "blessings" that brought me such stress.

Here is what i wrote:

"My list for God to take"
1 our daughter (echo) and timing of her coming home.
2 our move to london, timing and how it will affect our family
3 go to cambodia (again)?

You see, i wouldn't get to do all of these. and if i could, it wouldn't be pretty. it was too much to take on in one year. too many moving parts. but God took it that night, because i finally surrendered it. i gave up. i let go. i basically threw all the pieces at Him. "here, take it. I can't." I bet His reply was simply, "thank you".

it's one year later and i can't help but ask myself, do i not learn from years past? how quickly and easily i forget Who is in control. how quick i am to gather my pieces, one by one, hoard them to myself. the stress builds. the worry builds, the anger wants to move in. how, when, why, who....what?

and His simple, whispered reply, "Me, Me, Me, just leave it to Me"

so here i am, this small town, georgia girl, placed in a big city. i'm having to put on my big-girl pants. (they say trousers here, not pants...just a little tid bit for ya). this is going to be a wild and crazy couple of years. i have a lot to learn and a lot to see. so much to love and so much to gain from this experience. and i have four funny children and an amazing husband to share it with. yes, it will be a journey. our journey together.

now let's put God in the driver's seat. i think i'm ready to begin.