Joyeux Anniversaire à Paris!

i turned 35 this month.

35.

where did the time go?  i'm still 24 right?  i still feel 24 anyway.  it's so strange to think back to when i was actually 24 and how i viewed 35 year olds...think about it.  think about the age that you are now and bump up 11 more years!  seems like a LONG way away, doesn't it?  but yet, we look back 11 years ago and it doesn't seem so far away.

age is just a number, right?  that's what we tell people who might be sad about their age.  but i'm not.  i'm really proud to be 35.  i've accomplished a great deal and i know that i still have a lot of "umph" left in me to accomplish so much more.

35.

i turned 35 this month.

for my birthday, we decided to go to Paris!  i mean, it's only a short little hour flight, so why not!?  (i still can't get over how close all these cool places are around here!)  we flew out the day before my birthday and i was so excited to know that, not only was my birthday going to be the big 35th, but that we were going to be in Paris....AND my birthday fell on friday the 13th this year!  sweet!  my favorite birthdays are on friday the 13th.  my lucky number is 13.  i was thrilled!

after pulling together a major list "dos and don'ts" for the children over the weekend, i set off to the airport to meet heath.  he was flying in from the states, it had been one week since we'd seen one another.  romantic?  yes.  weird?  yes.

no children.

no diapers.

no sippy cups.

no complainers.

let's just take a moment to celebrate THAT!

okay, so we met up, talked about the weather, work, children.....yadda yadda and then it hit me.  we are alone.  i had a split second to tear up a bit and then i became really excited!  WE ARE ALONE!  


to all the moms out there, i will not let you down on this one.  i will appreciate if for all it's worth, i promise!

once we landed and we were driving in the cab.  i looked out at this amazing city that so many have talked about.  so many movies made from here.  it was crazy to think that i was getting the chance to be here.  i looked out the window and thought about the children, the upcoming weekend, my birthday....my birthday.  how fun.  i kept forgetting that it was my birthday!  i thought about the things that i wanted to do on that particular day.  i wanted to see Moulin Rouge, i wanted to try escargot, i wanted to get some uninterrupted sleep and....i wanted to call my mom.


 here is my thought about birthdays.  they are really anniversaries for the moms out there.  think about it.  we don't remember that big day, do we?  thank goodness, it would be shocking to come out naked, cold and screaming and then have a memory of it!  i, for one, am glad we don't remember it.  but our mothers do.  she remembers every last bit of it.  she remembers what she was doing that day, what she felt like, her fears, her excitement, the anticipation....she remembers.  so as much as we think this day is so special for us, i dare say that it's just as special, if not more, for our moms.

so when friday the 13th, my big day arrived, we took a private tour of the city, i ate and LOVED escargot, not only did we see Moulin Rouge but i was called on stage to perform!  (don't worry Daddy, i did not go topless!) and yes, i called my mom.  and i cried as i spoke to her.  she sounded so close but it was strange to think how far away she was at that moment.

35.  you just don't ever grow up too much for your mama.  she'll always be Mama.

she told me that she and daddy were reminiscing about the day i was born.  what they were doing, how they felt, the weather.....it was so nice to know they were celebrating her anniversary.

you know, i looked up Happy Birthday in french and "Joyeux Anniversaire" came up.  joy? anniversary?  pretty close.  maybe the french have it right.


one day, when i am much older.  i want to know that my children are enjoying life, that they are working hard and living hard and loving hard.  i want to hear about them doing fun things, exciting things.  i want to hear when they are bored or sad, excited, scared or confused.  i want to know.  i also want them to call me on their birthdays.  because no one will appreciate that day more than me.

there are three days that go down as three of the best days in my 35 years of existence.





one of those days, the birth of our twins, Reese and Maddox.
2 premature babies born way too early. six weeks too soon.  i was scared, confused, nervous, excited, tired, hopeful....
"these look like tiny squirrels!"

one of those days, the birth of our Zane.
a big ole bouncing baby boy born just as planned.  i was calm, easy, fun and funny, making jokes along the way.
"he looks like he's been in a boxing match!"  "what a beautiful baby."

one of those days, the birth of our Echo.
...in another country, so far away.  some amazing mom had thoughts of her own.  she gave her baby life.  and then gave her away two months later.  to have a better life.  for this little child, i don't need that one "birth" day.  because i get all of her other days.  and i get her phone calls when she turns 35.  lucky me.
blessed am i.

                                      Happy Birthday in Paris!  Joyeux Anniversaire a Paris!

"We Left Too Soon"

in my last post, i talked about how quickly time went by on our trip back to the states.  our Christmas Break turned into Christmas Express.  we had a great time seeing the friends and family that we were able to see but it never seemed like enough.  but even if we'd stayed for twice as many weeks and saw four times the amount of people, it still would not have been enough.

i'm greedy like that.

i want to see as many people and do as many things as i can.  and i want to have time to relax as well.  i want it all.

greedy.

there are times that i don't want to go outside of my house or my backyard because i want for just my family of six to be together and relish our moments with one another.

greedy.

yep, i want to do it all and then a little more than that.

as our 3 weeks came to a close, we had my family over for New Year's.  we had 8 adults and the 8 grandchildren under the age of 5 sleeping in our home for the night.  if you do the math, you will realize that half of the children were my own, so it really wasn't so scary.  the children went to bed and we spent the evening eating, laughing, playing, joking and acting silly.  my parents were there too.  they were quiet, my mom very intent on watching the Ryan Seacrest countdown.  they seemed tired.  and maybe even a little distant.  i chalked it up to the fact that they had been running themselves ragged over the last three weeks as well.

we brought in the New Year together, still eating, laughing, playing and joking.  but at this point my sister and i had started dancing.  things can get a little crazy when we are together.  it was nice to have several hours together without our children.  so that we could be the children once again.

the next morning, we woke up and had a sinful breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, cinnamon rolls, orange danish rolls and maybe even a few other things.  heath and i were doing the cooking and goodness knows, i can't cook and think at the same time.  if any of us had made a resolution to lose weight, it did not start with this breakfast.  soon after, my parents said their goodbyes, gave hugs and were walking out the door.  it didn't really hit me as "good-bye" until reese came down the stairs and said to my mom, "grandma, i want to hug you".  to which my mother replied, "well, of course.  i already hugged you, but i can hug you again".

and then it happened.  the tears came down.  my little girl knew that  the hug she'd gotten early from Grandma might not sustain her for the trip back to London.  so she needed one more....

the hugs began again and the tears came down.  and let me add, this was only my parents and i going through this.  the rest of the family was in the other room!  boy were they a little surprised when they came around and saw a bunch of crying babies at the front door!

we laughed and said good bye.

see you in three months.

it's not that long.

it's not too far away.

i've been away for that long before.

i can do it again.

the rest of the day was a lot of fun.  sitting in the backyard with my sister and brother and his wife and 6 of the children playing and running around.  (heath and my sister's husband had taken maddox and william to the falcons game.)  the day was beautiful.  bright sunshine, clear skies, warmth.  it really was a great day.  a beautiful way to start the new year.  2012 was already looking really good...

we came in and ordered pizza.  didn't i say that this day was NOT the start for anyone trying to lose weight.  i mean, come on, i'm living in england!  a girl has got to have good pizza when she is home in the US!  and as my brother walked out to go and pick up the pizza the phone rang.

my parents were on the line.  mama and my daddy were on their way back to our house.  they'd driven home, cooked black eyed peas and collard greens and were bringing them over for us to eat...

because every southerner knows that this will give you luck and fortune for the new year!

i laughed and told them to "come on"!  we'd have pizza, black eyed peas and collard greens!

once they arrived, we asked them what on earth they were up to.  why would they drive home, over an hour away, and then drive back in just a few short hours?

my mom went through the day of what they did, how they felt, what they said, what they didn't say...

and how they cried.

and cried.

"we left too soon", they said.  "we should have stayed".

so.  they came back.  and we ate.  and we laughed.  and we joked.  and we played.  a beautiful way to start the new year.  yes, 2012 was looking really, really good.

as much as we asked them to stay and spend another night, they did not.  they packed up those peas and greens and headed out the door.  this time, my mom and i did not hug.  we simply said goodbye.  see you in three months....

i almost went to go and give her that hug, thinking maybe she'd not realized that we didn't do it.  but i know my mama.  she knew we'd already had that hug earlier in the day and it was enough to sustain her.  or maybe it wasn't.  maybe it was too much sadness, too much mush.  so, i let her go.  thinking we are either really strong women or just silly wimps for not hugging it out and crying some more.  my mom does not want the drama of it all.  and i respect that.

there are always going to be times that we feel as though we didn't have enough time or that we left too soon from something.  someone.  some times there are some things that are never going to be enough.  this was one of those times and one of those things.  precious time with my family is never enough.

we are so blessed that they were able to turn around and come back.  there was still time to be had and we had it.  what a gift.

Christmas Break

it's been a complete whirlwind for the last 3-4 weeks.  i'm sure i'm speaking for everyone when i say that Christmas break goes by in a flash.  it's amazing how we wait and wait for the big holiday time to come and when it does...it flashes by us.  we make these elaborate plans of how we will spend the break with family and friends, sitting by the fire, laughing and playing it up the whole way through.  but somewhere along the way, we realize that time is getting away from us, slipping through our fingers, faster and faster with each passing day.

why do we call it Christmas BREAK?  who is doing the breaking?  not the wilson crew, that is for sure.

my elaborate plans were not really so elaborate.  they never really are.  i wanted to go home to the states and visit family and friends.  i really, really wanted to sit by the fire with my family, sipping on some hot chocolate and eating popcorn.  that's what i really wanted.  and we did get to do that...

for a night.

maybe two.

no where in my plans did i plan for so many doctor visits and sick children.  or surgery.  i did not calculate for that.  so when i took echo in for a hearing test and to have her ears checked, i was somewhat surprised to find out that she needed tubes and her adenoids taken out.  (i say "somewhat" because i made the appointment for her because i was skeptical of her hearing in the first place).

long story short:  we were in the US for three weeks, we had 6 doctor visits, several immunizations and surgery.  not to mention that she was on ear drops and antibiotics the whole time.  fun.  as it turned out, i did a lot of my new "planning" around echo and her doctor visits.

there just was not enough time to do it all, to see you all, to relax at all.  well, we relaxed a little.  a little.

so if i didn't get to see you, to hug you, to hang out or to even chat on the phone.  i'm sorry.  i really am.  i thought about all the people that i didn't get to see and spend time with.  but i know that when i do get to see each one of you, it will be that much better!  just think, we'll have a LOT more to talk to about at that point.  we'll just look on the bright side.

now, to catch up a million thoughts for all the posts that i want to write and put on this blog.  i really have a million.  i have not told about our trip to Portugal or Scotland.  and there are so many days of really great and fun things that have happened.  but the days are getting away from me already.

i'm going to get better at writing more often.  seriously.  even if i have to lock a small child in the bathroom for a chance to get on the computer.  i'm going to write more often.  at least once a week.  hold me to it.