it was the first morning after we'd landed. i'd woken up early and decided to go ahead and get up before everyone and have my first cup of coffee. this is not normal for me at ALL! i love my sleep and unless i'm getting up to go enjoy boot camp at 5:30 am, you better bet that i'm going to be in bed. not to mention that my all-time favorite part of the day is when the kids come into my room and get into bed with me and we snuggle for the first part of our day. one by one they trickle into my bed and we snuggle until i have all three. then i get up and get echo and breakfast begins. and all the craziness begins as well.
but on this morning, i got up and got that coffee. i quickly realized how QUIET the house was at that moment. actually, heath and i had gotten in the bed the night before and been a little freaked out by the eerie silence. where were the fire trucks? where were the cars? where were the porters talking on the phone at the front of our flat? where were the dogs barking or babies crying on their way to the park? where was the city noise?
the silence was deafening.
reverse culture shock. we were right in the middle of it.
so, to wake up to more silence was a bit freaky. i walked around rooms of the house, looking at things that i'd missed, pictures i'd not seen in quite a while, furniture i'd not sat in, walls i'd not touched. it's silly, but i was a tad emotional. how could i miss london and all of it's chaos and yet adore the beauty and luxury of living in a quiet, suburban town? how could i miss all that noise? how could i miss hearing the rubbish being picked up at 7 a.m. on a saturday morning....okay, i didn't miss THAT!
you know, i kinda felt like the bachelorette, being in love with two men at one time. haha! one is comfortable and safe, warm and kind. the other is exciting and action packed, fun and wild. how could i love such opposite things? how could i love both? (strange analogy, i know.)
i sat at my back window for quite a long time. just thinking. just listening to the silence. and the silence seemed to have a sound. a familiar, sweet sound. one that i'd not heard in awhile. it was calming. soothing. refreshing. it was beautiful. memories came flooding back of things that have already happened in this house. we had not lived here long until we packed up and moved away. i thought of all that we have to be thankful for here and there. what we have to be thankful for in our silence as well as our noise.
i'd remembered buying this house only a couple of years ago for many reasons but one big reason was this window. the view was spectacular and i wanted to wake up every morning to such happiness....
i'm not sure how long i'd been sitting there in the window, when i heard my early bird coming down the stairs. the pitter patter of maddox's little feet was the break of my silence and i turned to him with a grin from ear to ear. he quietly came over and sat by my side and began to look out the window with me. we sat for a bit and then he asked, "what are you doing here, mommy". i replied, "sitting here listening to the silence and waiting for you."
not long after that, reese came down. normally she is a late sleeper but the jet lag forces us awake sooner than we'd like in the first few mornings back. she came and sat down with us too. and asked, "mommy, what are you doing?" and i replied, "sitting here with maddox, just looking outside and waiting for you."
we started to talk about memories of this window, nothing as sentimental as what i'd been originally thinking. no, they were asking, "do you remember when that bird hit the window and blood was on the window?" "mommy, do you remember when that tiny bird (a humming bird) flew into the screen and daddy had to hammer it's beak out with that book."
yep, sentimental just flew out that window.....oh well.
by the time zane had come down to join us, we were all doubled over laughing about the funny memories that had happened right where we were sitting. and here we were....making another memory! this will be added to our list. maybe not as memorable as the bloody bird or tiny beak but it will still be somewhere in our memory bank.
i've looked out that window each morning since we've been here. it's a window that makes me so happy. it's big and bright and beautiful in the mornings. the window makes my coffee taste better.
i've not relished another silent morning since that morning. i've not sat in the silence and listened to the stillness. it's been the usual hustle and bustle from that day forward but i still look out my window and know that silence makes a really lovely sound. a captivating and riveting sound that i can't quite put my finger on.
i love living in london. i love the crazy, constant movement. i love that the city is alive at every moment of every day. i love it.
and i love my sweet, soft marietta. i love the stillness. i love the silence. i love that families hunker down together in the evenings and sleep in silence. i love that the town seems to be "on hold" for a few hours each night. i love that it feels as though time stops. i love it.
is it possible to be in love with both? i believe so. i'm in love with both. do i know where my heart truly belongs and will eventually end up? absolutely. so when we return to the hustle and bustle of that big city and take in the sights and sounds all over again, i think i will appreciate it even more.
because i know that my silence waits here for me. i know the sound of silence. and i will relish it again in my return.
Find rest (wait in silence), O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. psalm 62:5
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