Say My Name

echo has a new thing that she does.  heath and i noticed it a couple of days ago.  echo will come into the room where i am and say, "mommy?".  she says it in a way that makes me think she wants to ask me a question or tell me something important.  or maybe it's something very unimportant.  but the fact that she can now search the house for me, find me, and call my name is wonderful.  most of the time, after she says the word, she will just stand there, not saying anything.  like she just wanted to say my name to see if i'll answer.  other times she will pause for a bit and come closer to stand beside me.  it's the funniest thing.  it's so sweet.

last night, as we were cleaning the dishes after dinner, she came into the kitchen doorway and stood for a while, watching us, quietly.  and then she said, "mommy?".  to which i responded, "yes, honey?" without looking over my shoulder.  she quietly said, "more milk".  heath and i stopped everything and turned to her.  i grabbed her milk and handed it to her.  she asked for a need, a want.  and we could provide.  instant gratification for her!  we wanted to reward her!  we were thrilled that she could communicate so beautifully.

the toddler stage is amazing.  each day they learn and do something new.  i love being shocked by the new things that happen each day with a toddler.  some days are better than others, there is always that moment when the toddler learns to take off her diaper or play in the potty.  those are not my favorite surprises but the good outweighs the bad...  they are little sponges whose knowledge begins to ooze from inside them outward, without as much effort as when they were babies.  it's so amazing to me that this new found knowledge comes out of the child as if she's had this ability all along and is just now starting to let it come from within.

later that night, as we were going to bed, heath and i were talking about how cute echo had been to state her request.  i laughed because, of course she would pick up on how to best get my attention.  she hears the others all day long saying "mommy?, mommy?  mommy?"  she has been watching the bigger kids and understands that when there is a want or a need, you go to mom and she provides.  whether it be more milk, a snack, a hug, help with a toy, directions to a game, solution to a problem...you go to one of the tall, big people and they will help you out.

i went to bed with this on my mind.  all she had to do was come into the room and call my name.  she was not whining, she was not complaining.  she had a want.  a need.  and she has learned to call my name.  it makes my heart swell.  it makes me feel more connected to her.

and then it hit me.

all i have to do is call His name?  because i have to tell you, there are some nights that i'm so worn, so tired, so confused, so frustrated, so sad, so everything...so anything!...that it's all i CAN do to call His name.  i start my prayer, Dear Heavenly Father....

and there He is.  "Yes, honey?"

and He waits.  He waits to hear what my heart has to say.  what are my needs?  what are my wants?  i'm most certain that His heart swells when He hears my voice call to Him.  i'm certain that He feels my desire to be close to Him in that moment.  and i know it makes us more connected.

and just like echo, there may be a time, should be a time that i ask specifically for what i want or (think) that i need.  shocking.  He wants me to be specific.  so that He can provide.

will He give me my wants every time?  no.  and thank goodness.  thank goodness!  i've prayed for some pretty crazy stuff in my lifetime and if He'd honored those prayers, well, it's a good thing He's the one in charge.  but he does give me my needs.  and just like a parent to a child, He knows my needs better than i do.

and there are times that i just want to say His name.  to be close to Him.  i guess like echo does with me.  she just wants to say my name.  because she can now.  and she likes it.  it gets her closer to me.  it is a reminder that she is with me.

sometimes i just want to remind God that i'm with Him too.  even when i don't know exactly what to pray or what to say.  sometimes i just want Him to know that  i'm here.  i'm listening.  i want to be close to you.  my Heavenly Father.

i have been so blessed to have my kids.  they are a bunch of clowns, they drive me nuts and they make me age very quickly.  but i love them and they are a constant reminder to me of how God sees each one of us.  in my eyes, my children are beautiful, special and wonderful.  i want them to come to me.  i want them to ask me for things.  i want to see/hear their needs.  and i want to try and provide for them the best way that i can, the best way that i know.  i want to do what is best for each one of them.

that's what God wants from me and for me, as well.

all i have to do is call His name.

Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.  Romans 10:13