Friday, June 28, 2013

Keeping It Real

i'm so tired that i could (and actually want) to fall over.  i've even attempted sleep already.  for all of about 3 minutes, i laid in bed and closed my eyes.  closed them long enough to realize that i was not ready for this day to end.

yet again, i come to the close of another birthday.  echo in april, zane in may and now reese and maddox in june.  i don't know what it is about their birthdays.  i love them.  i love that i get to reminisce on what this day is, what it was, and what it will be.

today, june 27th, is special because it was the day that i took on a new name.


this is a title that i hold very dear.  a title that i hear much too often.  a name that i often try and hide from, plug my ears to and roll my eyes at.

"mommy, mom, mother, mama, mummy, mum, moooooaaaam, but mommy, mom can i, no mommy, yes mommy, mom can i, mom can you, mama i want, mommy i need....."  

i can't tell you how many times i've hidden in the pantry this summer.  intentionally walked out of a room.  slinked my way out of an area.  closed (and locked) the bathroom door....for just a moment of peace.

but today, today i welcomed the name calling.  the name rang loud and clear.  today i was able to hang out with the two of them alone.  zane and echo were at a day camp and so i was able to have a true "reese and maddox day".  it was fantastic, easy, silly and fun.  they are two little people with strong opinions, deep emotions and fantastically humorous personalities.

they are 7.

last night i had tucked in my 6 year old twins for the last time.  i knew that from that moment on, they would never be 6 again.  and it's not that 6 is some golden number.  however, if i'm being honest, i will say that i'm a even-number-kind-of-girl....odd numbers are not as cool...unless you are talking about number 13...which is my most favorite and most lucky number of all.  and then odd is's very good!

i digress...

after kissing them in their sleep last night and going to bed, i realized that the clock keeps ticking.  and it ticks fast.  i've barely blinked and the years have gone by.  who are these two seven year olds and where did my babies go?  not that i'm sad!  noooo, i'm thrilled with their ages.  they are funny, smart, conversational, inquisitive, rational (most of the time) and down right fun to be around.  i love this age!  i think the next few years are going to be a blast (as long as that pantry is available for me to hide in).  yes, i'm excited about this coming year.  and i'm shocked that it came so soon.

7 years ago today, i became a mother to two tiny human beings.  to me, there is no greater title on earth.    it was a title that i dreamed of, welcomed, celebrated, longed for.  it is still all of those things.  that one day, 7 years ago, changed so much for me.

as i went up tonight to watch them sleep as i do most every night...because i'm one of those freaky moms who stands over her children's beds at night....(i swear, one day one of them is going to wake up at age 15 and completely freak out and lose their ever loving mind when they see me standing over them).  and as i stood there, i realized that one day can make such a huge difference.  reese and maddox walked around all day today, strutting their 7 year old stuff, thinking and acting like they were so big.  they were even talking about how they were going to do things differently, "now that i'm 7".  this was like a new year's day for them.  making resolutions, vows and promises.  i loved it.  out with the old, in with the new!

some of these promises they may keep, some will fade away, some flew out the door the moment the words came out of their mouths.  however, some promises will slowly set in and become natural and normal.  because as they get older, they will just start losing some of their old ways, some of the young, immature things they do, the baby in them will drift further and further away.  they will lose it.  it will be gone.

maybe that's why i hold onto birthdays so tightly.  maybe it's why i don't want the day to end.  however, i guarantee you, if one woke up and came down right now, i would totally go into my pantry. either that, or play possum right here on my couch.  stone cold still is what i would be, in hopes that they don't come down to ask for water or a band-aid, or anything else that they can conjure up at this time of night.  i mean, i loved this day...but i'm too tired.  and, let's be honest, the best times for a mother to sit and think, is late at night, when the children are sleeping.  and they are quiet...oh dear precious mercy...

they.  are.  quiet!

i don't know that i learned any valuable lesson today or tried to inspire myself with words or feelings.  i just enjoyed the day.  just lived it for what it was worth.  enjoyed being with the two crazy beings who got this whole family going in such a wild and fun direction.  i just simply enjoyed simple today.  it was a really good day.

happy birthday, reese and maddox.  thank you for my new title 7 years ago.   you changed everything about me (from cool, chick girl to maniac mama).  you made me see the world differently (germy and dangerous).  you changed my heart and you sent my life into orbit from the moment i held you both in my arms (and tried to figure out how to simultaneously nurse you).  there is no greater title for me to have, so thanks for being the first to set it into motion.  and thanks for forcing me to keep my sense of humor during the craziest times of my life.  you've turned me into a maniac, germophobic, panic sticken, confused and humbled girl.  how can i not see the humor in all of that!?

thanks for keeping it real.  i love you both endlessly.

"And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him."  Luke 2:40

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