Have Mercy!

i am home with the children for the week.  heath is traveling.  so, this weekend, i've been full on.  tonight at dinner, i was running around, meeting the needs of the children.  reaching left and right to hand them the things they needed to begin their meal.  keep in mind, our london kitchen is tiny.  it's the size of our kitchen island back in the states!  the 3 older children sit up in bar stools while echo sits at a little table in a little chair.  i stand and eat.  but, it's probably better that way because every time i try to sit, someone needs something anyway.

as we were finishing eating, maddox spilled a huge cup of milk and immediately starts to say how sorry he is.  maddox has the most sensitive heart of any child i know.  he felt terrible.  as i saw the mess of the milk go all over him, all over the table, the chairs, the cabinets, the walls...even a bit went on zane!  i'm telling you, this cup must have bounced fifty times before it finally landed on the floor.  i stood there speechless, defeated, worn to a tither from the day's events of playing, disciplining, birthday partying (yes, i'd taken them to an outdoor birthday party in the park, heaven help me), cooking, cleaning....cleaning, cooking.  so i stood there.  speechless.  i took one look at maddox and told him he needed to get into the shower.  i marched him back to the bathroom, put him in the shower and told him to wash his whole body and i would come back for him.

as i was leaving, i could here him say, "even my hair!  ahhh, man!"

in the back of my mind i knew this was a complete accident.  he was sorry immediately.  i knew this, and yet, i still could not speak.  i was oddly calm which i think freaked maddox out even more.  all i could think about was how i was going to clean up all that milk!  i had gotten to the kitchen when i heard maddox yell out that he was done.  i knew there was NO way he had washed his body, even if it is a tiny body!  i ran back and asked him if he washed his entire body.  "yes" was his timid reply.  i asked if he'd washed his hair.  "yes" was, yet again, a very weak reply.

he was fibbing.  i turned into a cyclone at that moment.  i think my head, torso and legs went in three directions as i told him, yelled rather, that there was no way he'd washed and i knew that he was not telling the truth!  he started crying and then told the truth.  he had only gotten his body wet.

shocking.

i marched, stomped, back up to the kitchen and began to clean the mess as he remained in the shower to clean up his own "mess".  after he was finished, i told him to come up and watch me clean the rest of the kitchen.  cruel and unusual?  maybe?  did it make an impression?  yep, i think so.

i'm thinking he'll probably hold that cup a little tighter and make sure he tells the truth next time.  it's just a hunch.  being a cyclone mom has it's advantages.

after the clean up, we hugged and talked about the situation.  i told him that i was only annoyed by the spilled milk but the lie made me angry.  very angry.  "i don't accept you telling me things that are not true.  i'm your mother.  please be honest with me."


he cried a little more, maybe just for dramatics, i'm not sure, gave me a huge hug...and asked if he could go play his DS...ugh.

later that night as i was praying with the children, i gave thanks to God for his kindness, love and mercy...after i was finished praying maddox asked "mommy, what is mercy?"  after stuttering over my words and floundering for a bit, i told him that it's being forgiven and getting mercy from God, that even when we do things wrong and make mistakes, God loves us and has mercy.  he forgives us and we don't have to suffer the consequences of the mistake.  he forgives us and washes it clean.  maddox's reply was, "well, mommy, can you have mercy on us next time we make mistakes?"

really?

did he just say that to me?

i had to stifle my laugh.  don't kids say the darnedest things?  just when we think we can't take anymore they come out with something fantastic like that.

maddox and i had a really good conversation further about forgiveness and mercy.  we talked about unconditional love and what that meant.  i'm not sure that he absorbed it all but i think a lot of it went in pretty clearly.

later i googled mercy and this is something that i found:

"Mercy is like a judge finding you guilty, but then withholding any punishment. Grace is getting something you could never have imagined. An inexplicable gift. It's like the same judge awarding you $10,000,000.00, after finding you guilty!"

wow, i'd been thankful for the mercy...but i forgot about the grace that he gives also.  not only do we not pay for our mistakes if we know Christ, but we get His grace as well....

it's a pretty good deal.  i can see why maddox asked for it.  he's a smart kid.

now i sit here thinking, after all that happened tonight.  all that we talked about, all that we cried about, all that was learned.  will he spill the milk again one day?  absolutely.  he'll spill milk a million more times...not always milk, but you get what i'm saying.  he will always do something wrong.  and there will be more times (cringe) that he will lie to me.  will it make me angry?  yep.  will i be upset?  of course.  will i still love him?  without a doubt.  there is nothing that can separate my love for him.  he's my child.

i believe that God feels the same for me.  i constantly make mistakes.  after my mistakes, unlike maddox, there have been times that i'm not quite sorry.  i knew it was wrong but i did it anyway.  and there are times, that not only do i not say i'm  sorry but i lie about it.  i don't go to Him with my mistake.  i try to cover it up from Him.  and He knows the truth.  He knows.  and after i come to Him and tell Him the truth, what does He do?

He has mercy.  He cleans up all that spilled milk. but on top of that, He gives me grace.  no matter how big the mess is.

he cleans the mess, hands me another cup of milk and, on top of that, an oreo cookie to dip into the milk.

why?

because i'm His child.  and nothing can separate His love for me.

thank God.  because my mistakes have been a lot bigger than a little bit of spilled milk.  i've hurt others much more than a few splashes of milk flying across their shirt.  and yet, God forgives, forgets, and moves on.

i am so glad that we, as humans, have the capacity to love, to forgive and to move on.  God made us in His image and i believe that is why we have the ability to do the things that we do, to feel the way that we feel.  because we have some of our Father in us.

now, the kids are all asleep.  i'm beat.  i think i'm going to go have a nice cold cup of milk.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  Romans 5:8