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| The boys each made a turkey hat at school and Zane brought these leaves home to "make me smile". |
last year, our thanksgiving consisted of a couple of phone calls to home and delivery pizza. heath and i did not talk about it that day, but later we discussed how it was one of our saddest and loneliest days that we can remember. the day was tough enough, as it was, but once we'd called home and heard family members in the background, knowing full well all the love and yumminess that surrounded them, we felt...well, lonely. a lump somehow formed in my throat that i couldn't get down. why didn't we take the time to do something special on that day? i will never know, but we didn't. and, i think, we are actually stronger for it.
this year, i spent much of the day wednesday in preparation for thanksgiving on thursday. the kids would be in school and heath would be at work, but by golly....we were going to have thanksgiving when everyone came home! i had some recipes (old and new), a couple of pots and pans to cook with (i had to buy a few more) and some determination. thanksgiving will happen!
i felt pretty good until i bought the turkey. i'd never cooked one before, didn't know the first thing on what to do with one. i cried as i carried the turkey home from the grocery store. i'm not sure why i cried. i mean, i was laughing too. here i was, carrying three heavy bags from the grocery store, most of which i knew nothing to do with, i was alone, it was raining and i knew that the time would soon come when i had to take off the clear plastic wrap around this turkey and come face to face with it. overwhelmed and "skeered" is putting it mildly. to be honest, i don't do well with raw meat. not well at all. heath has been the one, for years, to prepare anything that once was alive. it's just not my thing. if it once breathed or had blood coursing through it's veins, i'm not touching it until it has had some quality time in an oven or on a grill!
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| watching you-tube and trying to figure out what to do with the bird. |
before i knew it, i found myself up to my elbows (literally) underneath that bird's skin with butter and herbs. if i thought looking at the raw bird was tough, imagine how i was when peeling skin from the bird to season it.....gulp, yep, peeled that skin right up from that beast and shoved seasoned butter all up in there! when i say that i broke a full sweat and closed my eyes during this part...i am not exaggerating at all. i think i gagged a bit and even shed a tear. dramatic? maybe. truth? absolutely. ashamed? not one bit.
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| after quality bonding time between me and mr. turkey. |
i'm not sure how many times i laughed and cried throughout the day, but it was often, and sometimes a lot. it was me and the bird in that tiny kitchen with a lot of ingredients and a whole lot of mess. i swear there were moments i could hear my relatives, namely my grandma, aunt mary and mama all cooking and talking in years past. i could feel them cheering me on. today was my right of passage, i felt. my test. and i was taking the bull by the horns...or the turkey by the thighs...
i thought about thanksgivings when i was a child and how they use to be, so easy, so fun, so carefree. i thought about them now, challenging, exciting, nerve wracking. i thought about them in the future, when my girls are in the kitchen with me, helping and laughing, talking and sharing. my boys doing their boy thing...whatever that will be. judging by their father, they will probably be helping as well and picking on me each step of the way. they will lighten my mood and charm me into keeping a smile on my face. undoubtedly, they will all drive me nuts to the point that i will yell at them and they will all have to leave the kitchen until dinner is served.
i worked, and i mean worked, in that kitchen from 10 am until 6 pm. only stopping for about 45 minutes to shower and get clean for our guests. we'd invited our sweet australian nanny, emma, to join us and our dear american friends, dustin and abby, to come over. emma had never had thanksgiving before and didn't even know why we celebrated. it was so exciting to "teach" her how to properly devour a plate (or two) of food!
the house smelled amazing, just like i remember thanksgiving smelling. the food was prepared, the turkey, only slightly blackened due to the fact that i'd not converted my european oven from celsius to fahrenheit. when i say the odds were stacked against me on this dinner, i'm not kidding, degrees are not the same and measurements are not the same over here. you would think that i would have been doomed. turkey by the thighs, remember....? i was digging in deep. i was going to win this battle.
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| my masterpiece. a bit crispy in spots, but tasty, no doubt! |
heath blessed the meal and we all sat down to eat.
and then i began to see why my grandmother, my aunt, my mama, my mother-in-law...and every woman goes to great lengths to prepare a meal on thanksgiving day...now i understood the feeling that each one of them have in that moment. that moment when everything is done. everyone is seated, everyone is slamming food, laughing, talking, oohing and ahhing. children are complaining, yucking and picking through the strange new foods. in this case, zane was projectile vomiting....no kidding. i'd forced him to try some sweet potato souffle and he jack-boxed all in his seat and plate.....(sigh). whatever. it was a minor glitch. my moment of happiness was too good to let that get in my way.
but now i know why these women (and some men) work so hard on this day to prepare such a huge meal. now i know what it feels like to be so dog-tired from cooking, that the taste of each bite is like a little piece of a prize. now i know. and it felt really great. i may still be beaming today from the excitement and pride over having friends and family sit down together to enjoy dinner and company with one another. dinner that had been prepared with each one of them in mind.
later that night, i called my mom, "mama! you would have been so proud of me! i did so good!" suddenly i felt 6 years old again...time reversed back 30 years in a matter of seconds. i was able to be the kid for just a moment. and then it passed as quickly as it came. we discussed briefly our day, she and my dad were at my brother's house and finishing up their own meal. it sounded like they were having fun and enjoying their time. this year, i didn't feel that lump in my throat. this year, we'd had thanksgiving. and a really good one, in fact. we had done it....and we had done it well!
this thanksgiving was very different in a lot of ways. i will look back on it with true happiness. i had a great day. a memorable day. we will never have another thanksgiving quite like the one we had this year. next year will be new and different in its own way.
don't let any of this fool you. i'll be home for Christmas. and you can bet your bottom that i will not be preparing a full meal. i'm happy to bring a few souffles or desserts but please don't ask me to touch a raw, naked turkey any time soon.
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| their preparations for dinner. heath sleeping, boys playing leapster, girls watching cartoons. |
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| gravy, sweet potato souffle', broccoli casserole and stuffing. (not shown: mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, and cranberry relish) |
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| zane: just before he vomited. |
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| cutting onions. first picture i took and sent to heath at around 10 am. it's not pretty, but hard work never is! |
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:8
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| it's a little blurry and difficult to see the little ones but it was worth putting it on here to remember the day! |
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