Here I Go Again....

several years ago, i heard a bible verse that burned a hole in my heart.  many of you have a verse...or two...or three...that stand out in your mind.  a verse that may have changed you somehow.  a verse that may have helped you to see things in a new light, that gave you strength or hope.  a verse that you wanted to claim as yours.  not all scripture stands out or means the same thing to individual people.  and you may read a verse one year and see it again in 5 and it suddenly jumps off the page at you.  i have a few verses that i love but this is one that i heard years ago and i clearly remember it speaking to me, telling me that i could make a difference.  the verse made me realize that it was something i wanted to follow.  one main part stood out to me;

"...to look after orphans and widows in their distress..."   James 1:27

i know, not nearly the full verse, but then, i've never been really good at memorizing scripture.  thank goodness for google!  i can usually remember pieces, parts or subjects and then i frantically try to look it up to find the full verse.  usually it works out in my favor and i find the scripture i need.

this verse stirs so many emotions in me.  to think of children without parents, wrecks me.  to hear of a widow causes me to practically shut down.  stop breathing.  and maybe it shakes me because it is my greatest fear....to leave my own children as orphans....or to lose the greatest man in my life...my husband.  whatever the reason, i feel called to make a difference.  however small it may be.  i want to help.

for the past several months, i've been very conflicted on how to serve my cambodian orphans.  i have a strong pull to go back and serve these children and show them God's love.  i also have a pull to be home with my family, to be with my own children, to be safe and comfortable with all the people and things i've been blessed with.  but i can't shake it.  it's like a rabid dog stuck to my ankle and the more i try to shake it off, the more it clamps down.

while reading Kisses From Kate (a book i highly recommend) i read a paragraph that left me breathless.  it was the exact way i felt and i knew that i had to go back to see my cambodian children.

"The truth is, I saw myself in those little faces.  I looked at them and felt this love that was unimaginable and knew that this is the way God sees me.  The children would run to me with gifts of stones or dirt and I saw myself, filthy and broken, offering my life to the God of the universe and begging Him to make it into something beautiful.  I sit here in a broken world, small and dirty at His feet, and He who sits so high chooses to commune with me, to love me anyway.  He blinds Himself to my sin and my filth so that He can forge a relationship with me.  And this is what He did for me with these precious children. He blinded me to the filth and disease, and I saw only children hungry for love that I was eager to share with them.  I adored them, not because of who I was, but because of who He is.  I just sat right down on that cold, hard floor and snuggled my nose into their dirty necks and kissed their fungus-covered heads and didn't even see it.  I was in love." Kisses From Kate by Katie Davis

one of my goals this year was to draw closer to God.  for me, there is no better way to be close to Him than to DO for Him.  so, as many of you know, i applied to go back to cambodia.  i recently learned some fantastically, amazingly, crazy-fun news.  i received a phone call that i will, yet again, be going back to see those beautiful faces, and in doing so, see the face of God.

closeness at it's best.

in my excitement.  i looked back at the blog that the mission team kept my first year and i found my very first blog entry ever.  i wanted to share it:


A Little Piece of Heaven
07/26/09

We met the kids TODAY! What an amazing event. My words will not do it justice....just try to imagine over 30 smiling faces greating you as you pile off of a bus. I watched as some of our team got off the bus and walked right into the arms of the most precious little children ever. I stood there on the bus, watching as they hugged last years vets. They all remembered Jon, Mark and Mike WELL and it showed. The children just clung to them and called out their names. As I stepped off the bus, I could only hope to learn a name or maybe get a small hug from a child or two but that was not in the plans for these children...they greated me with open arms as well. We hugged like we'd known each other all of our lives. As we stood there hugging I thought, "if Heaven is anything like this when I enter the gates, then I have a LOT to look forward to". It was a little piece of heaven that God gave me here on earth. I held back tears long enough to enter the church where we would have our service. And then the tears came. I was so overwhelmed with what God had already done for us in just the first meeting....AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEGUN!

The children sang songs before and during the service that was such beautiful music. We couldn't understand much but we knew that God was there with us. The sermon was given today from John 12. As the pastor spoke (in Khmer) I decided to read on my own from John 12. This scripture tells about the last 6 days of Jesus' life. The scripture that stood out to me was John 12:26 "Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me." It has been an honor just to be here and serve. It is quite an honor to be the hands and feet of such an amazing God.

We taught the children the Easter story, they made journals in art that they LOVED (glitter and Cambodians....crazy combination) and we played games to teach them that leaning on one another is very important.

It was a great day. We're tired. My bed is calling my name.

-Mistye Wilson

God does not call each of us to do the same things.  we're all made uniquely to serve Him in different ways.  maybe it's why His verses don't have the same effect on each one of us.  but there is a verse, or several, in His Great Book that will speak to us, individually, if we are open to it.  this one of mine, this one i read many years ago has not let go of me yet.  it's not something i felt qualified to do, but i wanted the opportunity to try.  each time i've gone to serve, i've been more scared than the first and felt even less qualified to go.  this time is no different.

however, i remember the sea of faces.  i remember their laughter.  i remember my tears.  i'm a scaredy cat to go and leave my family for two weeks.  but i know God will give me the strength to leave so that i can carry out His work for these children.   and i will return with even more of His strength, bravery and blessings when i'm done.

get ready, little ones.  i'm coming your way!

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world".  James 1:27