once middle school and high school came around, i remember trying to say the phrase in my head and trying to move on with my day but all i could really think about were the mean words. deep down, all i could say was "ouch". because, let's face it. words can cut really deep. honestly, words can hurt terribly. it's our words that encourage or discourage. our words are what impact others. we can be uplifting or we can really put the smack down on someone. all with just our simple words.
a few days ago, my family was waiting at the bus stop. heath and i were taking the children to school so all four of them were in full school uniform. a really sweet old man made the comment that we had such well behaved children. then he asked us about the school, where was it located, how long had the school been around, was it a catholic school...the questions kept coming. he was easy to talk to and very inquisitive about who we were.
as the conversation kept going, the children, namely our boys, were getting a little restless. the bus was taking a while to come and their parents were in full conversation with someone else, so they were busy doing their usual thing of giggling, pushing, punching, and kicking. none of it malicious, they were playing like boys, rough housing. the only thing wrong with what they were doing, was that it was distracting to our adult conversation.
then, out of left field, the old man says while pointing to zane, "you know, that little one is violent". heath and i laughed because zane is a handful. violent seemed a little over the top, but i figured the man had just chosen his words poorly. and zane can be a bit wild. he's our man's man. he's rough, funny and spunky. as heath and i continued to laugh and add our comments about zane, the guy (very matter-of-fact) says that he has an eye for things and that zane would go to prison one day.
stop right there. mama ain't laughing no more, old man.
ever heard the phrase, "dynamite comes in small packages, mr?" well, i'm about to go all explosive on your head!
my skin has gotten much thicker in the last couple of years so instead of getting quiet and cowering down, i came back at him. argued that he was a rude old man for saying such a horrible thing in front of the mother and her children. how dare he say such a thing. and he argued back that he was certain, oh yes, certain, that zane would end up in prison.
insert ballistic, "violent" mother here. in my mind i was having all sorts of thoughts of throwing his decrepit body under a bus. it would only take a gentle nudge and that bus would totally take him out. i also had terrible thoughts of punching him in his nasty crooked teeth and wondered how many would fall out with one fellow swoop of my fist. yes, i had many horrible thoughts.
and then he jumped on his bus, and we jumped on ours. and it was done.
shaking and fired up, i continued to ask heath what more i should have said. what more should i have done. i was in a total fight mode. heath, who is much more calm and so much quicker to forgive than i am, simply told me to let it go. he assured me that the man clearly had something wrong with him and for it not to ruin my morning.
so i tried to calm my inner demons who were dying to go pound on that guys head. i tried to calm myself. his words had cut deeply. his words had brought to life a fear that i'd never even thought of. prison? what if any of my children ever went to prison!? what a horrific thought. because, all of those inmates inside those cells are someone's child! as foul as any of those men or women may be, each one has a mother out there. the thought made me shutter.
since the confrontation, i've had time to simmer down. i've had a moment to even laugh about it. and best of all, i've had time to pray about it. there was no way that i was going to be able to get those words out of my head so i had to hand them over. the thought has recently come to me that this guy is either crazy or he is a bitter old man. maybe his son is in prison. maybe the old man himself had spent time in prison. i don't know the extent of his pain or the reasons why he would say such hurtful things. but i do know that he is human. humans usually are hateful because they are hurting. someone, at some point has been hurtful to him.
there is absolutely no reason for me to hold on to my anger. forgiveness is really tough. words are brutal. they hurt. now that i'm older and i remember the phrase my parents taught me about sticks and stones, i realize that words do actually hurt a lot but i have to make the choice to not allow them to bring me pain. i have to let the words go.
i still have moments when i want to go and track that man down and give him a piece of my mind. i replay in my head what it might have been like to go all ninja on him. how good it would have felt to karate chop him in the face....but i let those thoughts in and then let them out. i blink back my anger and even say a little prayer for him. i know it sounds "holy holy" to say that i pray for him. believe me, i'm far from it! but, i've learned, the more i pray for those who treat me wrong, the more i see them through Christ's eyes. everyone is human. everyone hurts. we all deal with our pain differently.
forgive.
move on.
i've recently had to look up verses to keep my mind on track. i want to share them. if any of you are anything like me, you can take words to heart and can be walking around with pain and frustration lurking. it's no fun. no one wants to walk around with pain in their heart. these are some verses that have helped remind me to let go. i hope they help you as much as they have helped me!
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.
Proverbs 20:22
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| my little inmate. |
You couldn't be more right on how you are handling this. believe and trust in God. He is the only one who knows what the future holds for Zane.
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