I Told You So

how many times do mothers constantly and consistently tell our little ones the rules.  it's about the age of mobility and curiosity when we really start to say "no".  when children are young, every day and every moment is a lesson.  it can be exhausting.

i have been a "rule follower" while living here.  i have to be.  there are serious consequences for children who do not follow rules in a big and busy city.  and let's face it, i was once a school teacher.  i've always been a stickler with my children about the rules and living in a city has only magnified it.  you can take teachers out of the classroom but we will always have that "teacher" within us.  it's a blessing and a curse.  my poor children...

no matter how much i preach and teach them about safety when we go out, they continue to be clueless as to the dangers that lurk.  i'm a broken record when it comes to explaining how they can get hurt because of their careless actions and silly behavior.

this particular morning was no different.  reese and maddox were in one of their "twin moods" where everything and anything was funny.  the giggling, falling over, and teasing were about to send me over the edge.  and zane, my noise maker, was making all kinds of strange and unusual sounds as we walked along the street.  (i swear, he is destined to be a hip hop, beat box boy when he grows up...) we stood at the corner of the street where we waited to cross and watched the traffic zoom by.  as the children continued to giggle, push and punch, i shouted, "everybody move back, put your hands to your sides, do not touch anyone and close your mouths!  i can't focus on the cars with all of this craziness!"  as we crossed the street, i was barking at them about how we could all die if they didn't pay attention to what was around them.

extreme?  perhaps.  it was a stressful moment and stress causes me to become a bit unhinged.

each day that we get to the school building, i feel a weight lift off of me.  it's nice to get them all to the door, safe and sound and on time.  once we enter the school building, we shake hands with the headmistress and move into an area of this tiny school (and tiny halls, london homes and building are often narrow and tall) to give hugs, kisses and exchange well wishes for the day.  every day is the same, reese and maddox do the exchanges beautifully, reese clings a little longer than the rest, wanting longer hugs and extra kisses.  and the boys make a break for it.  especially zane, who has become quite impossible these days to contain once we are in the door.  he wants to run for his classroom.  so when the goodbyes begin, he rushes for the downward stairs to go to his classroom.  the narrow, spiral stairs.

let me say that, every day, i have to ask or tell zane any number of these things:

wait

slow down

hold on

don't run

watch out for others

be careful

he kind of reminds me of the tasmanian devil in these moments.  he has a one track mind.  he can't see or hear anything around him.  and he enjoys taking two-three leaps down the stairs at a time.  it's like a game for him.

and each day, i finish my kisses with the others, take echo by the hand and follow zane down the stairs.  he is usually already in his room and taking his coat off by the time i catch up to him.  thankfully, echo was home with a cold so i was able to react quickly when i heard a really loud bang and thump in the stairway.  moms, you know the sound of your own child's body weight banging down a group of stairs.  i just knew it was my child.

i shoved reese and maddox in the direction of stairs to their room and ran around the corner to find zane tumbling...and i mean, tumbling down the narrow stairs.  head first, then feet first, then head, then feet...all the while, in a full body roll.  and i could hear his one simple plea  "mommy!"

"oh for crying out loud" was what i was thinking until i realized what was actually happening and all i could get out of my mouth was

ZANE!!!!!

the panic in my voice was not lost on anyone.  a mother, a child and a father turned in all directions on the stairs to break his fall.  he landed, head down the stairs, on his back, in a position on the most narrow part of the stairs (the part where it winds around and the stairs are skinny).

i ran down to him, thanked the saviors who'd broken his fall and grabbed zane by his coat with one fist and pulled him up like the hulk.  (all parents know that super-human strength that we possess when it comes to our children.)  he was shaking from head to toe.  he couldn't even cry at this point, even though he was completely traumatized and hurting.

the first thing i wanted to say was, "i told you so!  you should have listened to mommy".  i wanted to yell at him for all the times that he had not listened.  i wanted to yell at him for not obeying me in the first place.  i have been telling him every day, all year, to watch those stairs.  and now....now, he was hurt.

once we got to a place where i could check his body, i desperately tried to speak calmly.  and i did a pretty good job.  he only scraped his hip and there was a bit of blood but his head was fine and there were no broken bones.  my little brave bulldozer had met his match with the stairs and was crying at this point.

after talking to him and his teachers, i walked back upstairs and thanked God for zane's safety in that situation.  how easily it could have gone another way.  on my way back home, i thought about how many times, i myself, continue to act silly or carelessly.  there are things in my life that i don't always focus on or i take for granted.  there have been times when i've gotten hurt, physically or emotionally because i didn't slow down.  there have been times when i've run down certain stairs of my life,  knowing the dangers but feeling the fun and freedom of how it felt to ignore the warning signs.

and yet, when i fumble, when i fall, when i dive head first into a narrow stairway of danger...He rushes to me.  and He never says, "i told you so".  He is calm and patient.  He lovingly checks for bumps and bruises that need repair.  He is as calm and loving as He can be.

just like children, we are senseless and reckless until there is a moment of fear or danger.  kids are notorious for going all out until they reach that point when there is no turning back.  and then they call for us in their time of need.  humans do the same thing.  i'm so glad i know that i can call out to God in my times of need.  i'm so glad that He forgives and forgets and never throws it in my face, "i told you so".

later that night, reese told me that she had seen me pick zane up off the stairs.  instead of going straight to her classroom that morning she went down to check on us because she heard zane scream.  she told me how scared she was and that she was glad he was okay.  "he was lucky, mommy."

zane has since slowed down on the stairs.  it's only been a couple of days since this incident occurred.  i'm placing my bets on when he will begin to leap and run again down those winding stairs.  i give it another week, tops.  but for now, he is walking carefully, holding my hand and trusting that i will catch him if he falls.  i wouldn't have it any other way.

i'm trying to walk just as carefully, holding His hand and trusting that He will catch my fall as well.  as my Father, i know that he wouldn't have any other way either.


He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock.  Psalm 40:2